Stevenisms: 10-30-01

steven had the first of four appointments to fill his cavities today. he wanted the whole tooth to be silver instead of just part of the tooth. and he really wanted gold. he likes gold. he put himself to bed because his mouth hurt. october 30, 2001 steven gary fogle II put himself to bed without having to be threatened with extreme bodily harm. mark your calendar.

on the way home from the dentist he may have still been under the influence of pain medication because he said, "you aren't cool. you aren't even 70 yet." i said, "so, i will be cool when i'm seventy?" he said, "yes. but i will be cooler. i will be 100 when you are 70." "how are you going to get older than me?" "i'm going to eat healthy and grow faster and birthday sooner." i started to laugh and opened my mouth to explain the time continuum. thinking about the conversation to follow and my ability to effectively explain the linear nature of time, i simply said, "good plan." he said, "i'm going to keep it a secret." okay. doctors are working hard to stave off aging and steven is going to discover the secret of reaching 100 the fastest. he may do it. he told scott's cousin that he plays soccer faster than she does. he announced to a wedding party that he could dance the fastest. he insisted that he could mop fastest. i believe that he really has found the secret to speed the aging process. he certainly is aging me.

for the past week, he has been asking to take godzilla to school. the teacher has forbidden it. he keeps telling me that she says he can take it to school as long as she doesn't see it and he keeps it in his bag. he says that she allows it but if she sees it out during school, she will take it away because he is only allowed to get it out at the after-care program. i spoke to her tonight. she said that he has been hassling her a zillion times a day saying that his mom said that he could take godzilla to school as long as his teacher doesn't say 'no.' he tells her that i want him to take it to play with at afternoon safari. well, he isn't exactly lying. he is selling. he presenting the facts in just the right light to get his way. i said that i would talk to his teacher about it and he played a guilt trip on me. "you don't believe me! you think i'm lying!" oh, my goodness! my son thinks i'm calling him a liar! so, after talking to his teacher, we discover he is cleverly playing us both. so i tell him, "your teacher says that there is no reason for you to take toys to school. school is not the place for toys." "so, I can take it!?" no. no. no. wow. he must have sold so hard that he convinced himself too.

gotta go to bed now. rest my aging bones. hope i have the strength tomorrow to keep steven from twisting me into a pretzel. my 70 year old body just can't take it.  

Stevenisms: 10-28-01

steven had a rough weekend. he had isaac over friday night and they dumped my nail polish remover when they were supposed to be brushing their teeth. steven lied about it and got a spanking. the next day he told scott, "you spank too hard!" he has to fight back his laughter when i spank him because it doesn't hurt.

the next day, steven was acting up and scott brought him back in the house to have a 'chat' with him. scott loudly told him "your mother and i love you very much. why do you think we try so hard to straighten you out." i was upstairs trying not to laugh about scott yelling 'we love you' at steven. the tone and words just seemed a bit ironic.

i had a nightmare that i was trying to spank steven and my arms were so weak that all i could manage was a pat on the bottom. i had another nightmare that i was trying to pull a semi-trailer with my scooter (the motor bike, not the yorkshire terrier, or as steven calls him, yorkshire carrier). i was having to pull the fully loaded several ton trailer on the highway and hit a traffic jam. i was on a cell phone talking to my mom, screaming every time i nearly ran into the back of the car in front of me. i was performing this fete on the way to a job interview. if that is what i have to do to get my next job, i'm never leaving scana.

scott got me a bowl of icecream and was bringing it upstairs to me. i noticed he was swallowing something as he reached me. the night before, he was bringing me a glass of water. when he got to me, i had to wait for him to finish drinking before he handed over what was left. i had to laugh because it brought back memories of when steven was 2 or 3 and he was in the kitchen with mom. they were eating triscuits and i wanted some. i asked mom to give me some (i was in the living room doing something). she told steven to bring me some. he handed me a soggy corner of a triscuit. i said, "mom, i would like a little more than a bite!" she said, "what do you mean? I gave him a whole handful of crackers for you." if i had to count on scott and steven to bring me food, i would starve to death. maybe i could market some kind of diet plan where the gimic is that your child or husband serves you your food. i would of course include a disclaimer of liability: if you are about to starve to death, break the diet and go to the kitchen yourself. I take no responsibility for those who die of starvation subsisting on soggy cracker corners served by their husband and children.  

Stevenisms: 10-23-01

steven was watching Godzilla vs. Destroyah last night and asked me to watch it with him. i sat down for a few minutes. on the movie, one of the psychics who was pursuing godzilla said that she wished she lost her psychic ability so she could be an ordinary girl with a husband and children. i was thinking 'what a loser.' steven turns to me and says,"that's you." uh! he continued to watch me for a response but i was too stunned to respond. 'ordinary girl!' husband and children were not my goal! they are pleasant diversions. 'ordinary girl!' okay, so i don't want to be a godzilla chasing psychic, but i can't believe i'm an 'ordinary girl!' i'm an accountant! i work for a fortune 500 company in their s.e.c. reporting division. i drive a truck. i own a scooter (motor scooter and a dog named scooter). what do i have to do to not be an ordinary girl? i promise to never crochet again! i don't even cook or clean!  

Stevenisms: 10-22-01

steven had a visitor this weekend. my friend spring brought her son gregory. steven and gregory were joined at the hip the whole weekend. sunday morning, steven wouldn't share his tootsie rolls with gregory. gregory got upset and pushed steven. steven told him to get out of the house. when gregory refused, steven threatened to punch him in the eye if he didn't get out. gregory stepped out the door and steven locked him out of the house. when steven heard spring coming down the stairs, he ran to the door and unlocked it. spring told him to never do anything like that again. i later tried to discuss it with steven and he kept saying, "i already discussed this with gregory's mom. could we just forget about it?" gregory had a red mark on his arm and when spring asked him what happened, he said that it was bug bites. spring said that it wasn't bug bites and steven piped up, "well, i didn't bite him!"

spring told gregory to say his ABCs in the car. he apparently didn't want to say them because he said that 'satan put a gun in my mouth and stole the ABCs like a robber.' that was slightly different than steven's excuse years ago that he couldn't say his ABCs because 'my mouth is too small.'

gregory has a speech problem and sometimes(actually, rather often) even his mom can't understand him. oddly, steven never has any problem understanding gregory. so i have to ask steven to interpret when gregory speaks. now, whenever gregory speaks, steven looks at me sideways and smirks. i guess that he is checking to see if his pathetic mother needs his assistance.

gregory speak:

foos = shoes

otay = okay

gwayee = gregory

maybe steven understands because of his multicultural exposure. he has spanish class at school. i have heard theories that young children should be exposed to foreign language early. they have a natural ability to pick up languages while you. so his exposure to spanish makes him more likely to understand other foreign tongues like "young child language."

i asked 2 supervisors what i should be doing with confidential documents since i haven't seen a shredder. my supervisor said that he has a sign on his recycle bin instructing the cleaning staff not to empty his bin. he said that it does no good since the cleaning staff does not speak english. i asked if he would like me to have steven translate it to spanish for him. or maybe baby talk.

backyard conversation when little carol ann brought a treat to steven:

carol ann (4): hi, you guys.

steven (6): what's up?

gregory (5): we jus pwaying.

carol ann: can i have these stickers? can i open this candy? (items from the treat bag she just brought to give to steven)

katy (28): boys, pick up the toys.

carol ann (yelling): get these toys picked up, boys!

bye, you guys!

steven: later, dude.