everytime we
turn on our computer now, a little dinosaur is walking back and forth on the
menu bar at the bottom of the screen. he is a pain because he uses system
resources and slows down anything else we try to do. he is also an ancestor of
the roach. he is almost impossible to kill. while his program shows up on the
menu bar, clicking on it doesn't bring up anything. even right clicking has no
effect. i have been hitting control-alt-delete to bring up the task manager to
kill him.
when i turned
on the computer a few minutes ago, steven was sitting next to me rotting his
brain on nickolodean cartoons. i had just opened the task manager when steven
said, "right click on the dino." when i did, i whole menu came up
with a variety of thing to do to the dino like 'capture' and other options i
ignored in my rush to click on the one that said 'exit.' i asked steven,
"did you put the dino on the computer?" he said, "no. i guess it
just knows that i want to play with the dino." he thought a moment and
then said, "how does it know?"
i explained
that it was probably a program that loaded when he did the setup to put one of
his games on the computer. kinda like killing santa claus, huh? dino is a
cookie and not an extension of steven id, ego or little wizard. hope you all
had psych in high school on that last line will make no sense. if you slept
through psych class, let me know and i will send you an explanation. if you
care.
steven is
balancing yin yang right now. he is rotting his mind on nickolodean cartoons
while assembling a toy from about ten thousand tiny pieces. there is a set of
direction as thick as an unabridged dictionary. the directions are all
pictorial becasue if they even attempted to use words the directions would
rival an encyclopedia set. he apparently has more patience than his mother who
would have resorted to using a hammer to pulvarize every piece into dust after
the first 6 hours of assembly.
if you
haven't seen me lately, then i will fill you in. my head is twice the size it
used to be in order to accomodate my motherly pride. steven spends hours upon
hours playing chessmaster 9000. so cerebral. scott's mother bought the game for
him for christmas. i'm not sure how good he actually is at chess. as far as i
know, he can only beat the monkey. he usually plays against himself. but maybe
quantity of play time will eventually result in quality of play. on chessmaster
7000 he beat the monkey and the little girl.
i fell asleep
on the couch last night and woke up to chess coach directions. "you can only
move your own pieces." "the king can only move one space at a
time." "checkmate." i think every phrase is emblazoned in my
subconscious. unfortunately, knowing all of the chessmaster quotes do not
improve my game. i am still as bad as when my ex-husband refused to even play
me because it annoyed him that i was so bad. he bought a chess video game so
that he didn't have to play me. my dream is for steven to become a better
player than his father so that i can vicariously kick steve's $#%*! at chess. i
bore the child, i claim the glory of his genius!
as for the
spare child:
i was in
parker's room watching him make messes for me to clean up. he pulled a
teletubby out of the toy box and put him on the rocking chair. he then climbed
into the chair. i handed him the teletubby. he screamed and threw it on the
floor. i apparently misinterpreted babble. he wanted me to make the chair rock,
not hand him the stupid toy. my deepest appologies, sir. i noticed a spot on
his teddy bear which sits on one of the two chairs at his little table. as i
tried to get the spot off of teddy, parker slid off of the rocking chair and
spent the next 10 minutes trying to get into a sitting position on the other
little chair. i pulled one of the drawers under the table partially out and
positioned the teletubby so he was sitting at the table with parker and teddy.
parker spent the next 2 seconds getting off of the chair and coming to see what
was up with tubby. drawers are so fascinating. open the drawer. slam it closed
on tubby. open the drawer. slam it closed on tubby. grab tubby by the head.
pull. fall over backwards when tubby suddenly pops out of the drawer. open the
drawer. try to stick tubby in. miss. slam the drawer. open the drawer. mommy
sticks tubby in the drawer. slam the drawer. open the drawer. grab tubby and
slam him on the floor. close the drawer. open the drawer. study the empty
drawer. notice mommy. grab mommy by the head and try to put her in the drawer.
on the second failed attempt, fall over backward. lesson learned: mommies are
too heavy to shove in drawers. close the drawer. open the drawer. try to climb
into the drawer. fall. lesson learned: it is too hard to put the baby in the
drawer. open and close drawer a few more times. give up on the drawer because it
doesn't make enough mess to keep mommy busy. go in search of toilet paper.
failing to find any toilet paper, resort to inserting more drool into mommy's
phone which no longer rings. work really hard at putting in drool to see how
many more functions baby can destroy before mommy loses it. note to baby self:
remember to give mommy wet, sloppy kisses until she gives up on spanking the
baby for all of the havoc he wreaks.
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