Stevenisms: 1-16-02

steven and i have an ongoing fight about him taking his toys to school. i am particularly adamant about him leaving expensive, irreplaceable toys home (like baby godzilla). this morning he was arguing that he needed to take baby godzilla with him. he said, "i hardly play with him because i can't get used to him since you won't let me take him anywhere." so i guess that steven and baby godzilla will never get familiar with each other. tragic.  

Stevenisms: 1-15-02

Last night, Steven told me that the earth is turning all of the time even though it doesn’t seem like it is moving. I said, “I think it just stopped.” He said, “no! it didn’t! it never stops!” Then he was telling me that I do something all the time. He said, “24 hours a day! And 24 hours a night!” Mom was surprised to hear that we are having 48 hour cycles now. Leave it to Steven to change the laws of the universe.

In his bath, he said that he wanted to show me something. Sometimes he says that just to get my attention and them spends 10 minutes thinking of something to show me. So I washed his hair while he was thinking. He told me that now I had ruined it. He asked if there was soap in the water. I said that there probably was. He said, “Well wash it out!” As soon as I figure out how to wash the soap out of the water, I will comply.

He dumped about 2 bottles of bath gel into the tub and called me in to show me all of the bubbles he made. He was so proud of making those bubbles that I let the fact he used up all of the bath gel sort of slide as he pointed “look at this big bubble! I just used the rest of that one and that one and part of that one (pointing to the now empty bottles)”

Parker fell asleep right as we got to the waffle house. I parked the truck at the window so we could watch him as we ate. One of the parker rules is “do not wake the baby” which he pronounces “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” After about 15 minutes, Steven scolded me, “parker is probably out there crying this whole time! You need to go check on him.” So I did. And of course he was sleeping soundly. When we got back in the car, the sound of closing doors woke him. So Steven said, “see! I told you he was awake!” I just don’t know how we could raise this baby without Steven’s input.

He kept asking for an ‘ice mothra’ among other “needs.” (Imagine that: Steven asking for toys. That never happens, right?) I told him that I spent more money on toys for him than I could really afford and that he would have to wait until I had more money. He solemnly handed me his $5 bill to help me out.

I kept telling him to get up yesterday morning. I finally got frustrated and asked him what would get him out of bed because I was tired of fighting. He told me to go bid on an ice mothra and let him know when I won and then he would get out of bed to come look at it. Getting him up for school would get awfully expensive. So this morning I tried the tickle method.

He wanted a ‘to-go’ box for his unfinished waffle last night. He wouldn’t speak up and tell the waiter. Could it be that Steven is getting shy in his old age? So he sat there with his hand raised in the middle of waffle house expecting the waiter to call on him. Didn’t happen. After about 6 tries, he finally said, “Excuse me” and the waiter promptly got him a ‘to-go’ box.

When the waiter brought the bill, I put out the money along with a tip. As the waiter picked it up, I said, “I don’t need any change.” Steven looked at me in surprise and said, “Well I want the change!” I shushed him and told him that you give the waiter a tip when you pay. He asked why and I him told that it is for the service. He said he wanted a tip. I said, ‘what have you done for me?’ “Well, I got lots of pink checks at school for being good. And you didn’t even get me a toy every time!” Such a neglectful mother. Poor deprived child! I don’t know how he survives.

When ordering at the waffle house, Steven said he wanted “a waffle and twenty pieces of bacon.” The waiter laughed and said he was crazy. When Scott got home from class, he cooked a whole package of bacon for Steven since the waiter ‘adjusted’ Steven’s order to 2 strips of bacon. So Steven munched on bacon for breakfast and had a gingerbread man for ‘dessert.’ The gingerbread man was of course screaming, “run, run as fast as you can…” as Steven ate his limbs.

Stevenisms: 10-30-01

steven had the first of four appointments to fill his cavities today. he wanted the whole tooth to be silver instead of just part of the tooth. and he really wanted gold. he likes gold. he put himself to bed because his mouth hurt. october 30, 2001 steven gary fogle II put himself to bed without having to be threatened with extreme bodily harm. mark your calendar.

on the way home from the dentist he may have still been under the influence of pain medication because he said, "you aren't cool. you aren't even 70 yet." i said, "so, i will be cool when i'm seventy?" he said, "yes. but i will be cooler. i will be 100 when you are 70." "how are you going to get older than me?" "i'm going to eat healthy and grow faster and birthday sooner." i started to laugh and opened my mouth to explain the time continuum. thinking about the conversation to follow and my ability to effectively explain the linear nature of time, i simply said, "good plan." he said, "i'm going to keep it a secret." okay. doctors are working hard to stave off aging and steven is going to discover the secret of reaching 100 the fastest. he may do it. he told scott's cousin that he plays soccer faster than she does. he announced to a wedding party that he could dance the fastest. he insisted that he could mop fastest. i believe that he really has found the secret to speed the aging process. he certainly is aging me.

for the past week, he has been asking to take godzilla to school. the teacher has forbidden it. he keeps telling me that she says he can take it to school as long as she doesn't see it and he keeps it in his bag. he says that she allows it but if she sees it out during school, she will take it away because he is only allowed to get it out at the after-care program. i spoke to her tonight. she said that he has been hassling her a zillion times a day saying that his mom said that he could take godzilla to school as long as his teacher doesn't say 'no.' he tells her that i want him to take it to play with at afternoon safari. well, he isn't exactly lying. he is selling. he presenting the facts in just the right light to get his way. i said that i would talk to his teacher about it and he played a guilt trip on me. "you don't believe me! you think i'm lying!" oh, my goodness! my son thinks i'm calling him a liar! so, after talking to his teacher, we discover he is cleverly playing us both. so i tell him, "your teacher says that there is no reason for you to take toys to school. school is not the place for toys." "so, I can take it!?" no. no. no. wow. he must have sold so hard that he convinced himself too.

gotta go to bed now. rest my aging bones. hope i have the strength tomorrow to keep steven from twisting me into a pretzel. my 70 year old body just can't take it.  

Stevenisms: 10-28-01

steven had a rough weekend. he had isaac over friday night and they dumped my nail polish remover when they were supposed to be brushing their teeth. steven lied about it and got a spanking. the next day he told scott, "you spank too hard!" he has to fight back his laughter when i spank him because it doesn't hurt.

the next day, steven was acting up and scott brought him back in the house to have a 'chat' with him. scott loudly told him "your mother and i love you very much. why do you think we try so hard to straighten you out." i was upstairs trying not to laugh about scott yelling 'we love you' at steven. the tone and words just seemed a bit ironic.

i had a nightmare that i was trying to spank steven and my arms were so weak that all i could manage was a pat on the bottom. i had another nightmare that i was trying to pull a semi-trailer with my scooter (the motor bike, not the yorkshire terrier, or as steven calls him, yorkshire carrier). i was having to pull the fully loaded several ton trailer on the highway and hit a traffic jam. i was on a cell phone talking to my mom, screaming every time i nearly ran into the back of the car in front of me. i was performing this fete on the way to a job interview. if that is what i have to do to get my next job, i'm never leaving scana.

scott got me a bowl of icecream and was bringing it upstairs to me. i noticed he was swallowing something as he reached me. the night before, he was bringing me a glass of water. when he got to me, i had to wait for him to finish drinking before he handed over what was left. i had to laugh because it brought back memories of when steven was 2 or 3 and he was in the kitchen with mom. they were eating triscuits and i wanted some. i asked mom to give me some (i was in the living room doing something). she told steven to bring me some. he handed me a soggy corner of a triscuit. i said, "mom, i would like a little more than a bite!" she said, "what do you mean? I gave him a whole handful of crackers for you." if i had to count on scott and steven to bring me food, i would starve to death. maybe i could market some kind of diet plan where the gimic is that your child or husband serves you your food. i would of course include a disclaimer of liability: if you are about to starve to death, break the diet and go to the kitchen yourself. I take no responsibility for those who die of starvation subsisting on soggy cracker corners served by their husband and children.  

Stevenisms: 10-23-01

steven was watching Godzilla vs. Destroyah last night and asked me to watch it with him. i sat down for a few minutes. on the movie, one of the psychics who was pursuing godzilla said that she wished she lost her psychic ability so she could be an ordinary girl with a husband and children. i was thinking 'what a loser.' steven turns to me and says,"that's you." uh! he continued to watch me for a response but i was too stunned to respond. 'ordinary girl!' husband and children were not my goal! they are pleasant diversions. 'ordinary girl!' okay, so i don't want to be a godzilla chasing psychic, but i can't believe i'm an 'ordinary girl!' i'm an accountant! i work for a fortune 500 company in their s.e.c. reporting division. i drive a truck. i own a scooter (motor scooter and a dog named scooter). what do i have to do to not be an ordinary girl? i promise to never crochet again! i don't even cook or clean!  

Stevenisms: 10-22-01

steven had a visitor this weekend. my friend spring brought her son gregory. steven and gregory were joined at the hip the whole weekend. sunday morning, steven wouldn't share his tootsie rolls with gregory. gregory got upset and pushed steven. steven told him to get out of the house. when gregory refused, steven threatened to punch him in the eye if he didn't get out. gregory stepped out the door and steven locked him out of the house. when steven heard spring coming down the stairs, he ran to the door and unlocked it. spring told him to never do anything like that again. i later tried to discuss it with steven and he kept saying, "i already discussed this with gregory's mom. could we just forget about it?" gregory had a red mark on his arm and when spring asked him what happened, he said that it was bug bites. spring said that it wasn't bug bites and steven piped up, "well, i didn't bite him!"

spring told gregory to say his ABCs in the car. he apparently didn't want to say them because he said that 'satan put a gun in my mouth and stole the ABCs like a robber.' that was slightly different than steven's excuse years ago that he couldn't say his ABCs because 'my mouth is too small.'

gregory has a speech problem and sometimes(actually, rather often) even his mom can't understand him. oddly, steven never has any problem understanding gregory. so i have to ask steven to interpret when gregory speaks. now, whenever gregory speaks, steven looks at me sideways and smirks. i guess that he is checking to see if his pathetic mother needs his assistance.

gregory speak:

foos = shoes

otay = okay

gwayee = gregory

maybe steven understands because of his multicultural exposure. he has spanish class at school. i have heard theories that young children should be exposed to foreign language early. they have a natural ability to pick up languages while you. so his exposure to spanish makes him more likely to understand other foreign tongues like "young child language."

i asked 2 supervisors what i should be doing with confidential documents since i haven't seen a shredder. my supervisor said that he has a sign on his recycle bin instructing the cleaning staff not to empty his bin. he said that it does no good since the cleaning staff does not speak english. i asked if he would like me to have steven translate it to spanish for him. or maybe baby talk.

backyard conversation when little carol ann brought a treat to steven:

carol ann (4): hi, you guys.

steven (6): what's up?

gregory (5): we jus pwaying.

carol ann: can i have these stickers? can i open this candy? (items from the treat bag she just brought to give to steven)

katy (28): boys, pick up the toys.

carol ann (yelling): get these toys picked up, boys!

bye, you guys!

steven: later, dude.  

Stevenisms: 8-19-01

hello everyone!

steven is proud to announce the birth of his baby brother, parker. parker was born aug. 13 and weighed 5 lb. 2 oz. he was 18 inches long. he has brown hair and indeterminate eye color. his eyes will likely be hazel since everything else about him is the spitten image of his daddy, scott. parker is healthy and is resting peacefully at home until he gets hungry and demonstrates his tremendous lung capacity to summon mommy, his personal cow. mommy is doing well and is quickly learning her place on the food chain. daddy is tickled pink to have his little offspring. mommy and daddy will need to be slapped if they say "he's so cute!" one more time.

as for "the big brother," he has has a new shirt announcing his status as big brother which he is thrilled to sport. he went to grandma's for the weekend to let his parents rest. he announced that by the time he gets back, he hopes that parker "has his neck muscles so he can crawl and play." steven has held parker a few times and has put a clean diaper on him twice. steven told mommy, "you can clean up the poop and i will put the diaper on." thanks. steven put a diaper on his teddy bear for practice. so his rugby playing, snarling teddy bear is wearing the latest in diaper fashion. it squeezes in his hips and puffs his chest out. very intimidating rugby bear.

steven is having good time at grandma's because even though mommy forbid grandma to buy him any more toys, mommy did not anticipate steven's loophole. he got grandpa to buy him more toys. when he described his latest acquisitions to mommy, she asked, "so, do you have enough toys now." steven was silent a moment before replying that he needed just one more. just one more. hmmmm. seems that i've heard that somewhere before. as a matter of fact, i think it is the motto of a few addicts i know. well, if he gets that other toy dinosaur which composes the 'just one more,' i will let you know if he finally believes that he has enough. please, don't hold your breath.  

Stevenisms: 8-13-01

scott and steven got nerds rope the other day. scott left some of his on the counter. i little mouse named steven ate it. i couldn't help laughing. scott had to expect that if he left candy in plain sight it would not be there later. steven was very honest about it. he told me as soon as i came down stairs. he said, "is it okay that i ate scott's candy? if you say it is okay, then scott won't get mad." clever kid.  

Stevenisms: 8-9-01

my mom bought frozen waffles for his breakfast when he was at her house. scott made waffles monday morning. steven said that he liked them better than the "toast berry pills boy" waffles at grandma's house. you are bright, so you can probably decipher that one. i had to call my mom and ask, "what kind of waffles." she told me that it was actually Pilsbury Doughboy. i liked steven's version. and really, pilsbury doughboy doesn't make any more sense than toastbury pilsboy. but scott slipped up and said 'pilsbury' in front of steven. now steven won't say the 'toastbury' version any more. he hates being wrong. he doesn't find it cute. last time i said 'toastbury pilsboy' he got mad and told me to only say it in my head. i hate when people correct his cute sayings. he doesn't say things wrong very often. so i have to enjoy it when he does. he used to say 'flum' for 'plum.' i loved that. but mom told him it was 'plum,' and he refused to say 'flum' anymore. maybe i would have more fun with a dumb kid.  

Stevenisms: 7-20-01

we were eating lunch at carolina bagel and steven wanted the pasta salad. when we sat down, he asked me to remove 'the Olivers' from his salad. mom and i thought it was so cute that we continued to call the olives 'olivers.' later that night i realized how mad he would be if he found out that we mislead him, so i had to tell him that they were 'olives' instead of 'olivers.'

on the drive to selma with mom, it was getting dark and there was just traces of crimson left in the sky. steven said, "this is like driving through a warehouse." mom wasn't sure what he meant and asked him why it was like driving through a warehouse. he said that it was scary like driving through a warehouse. mom asked, "like a werewolf?" steven replied, "yeah!"

as he usually does on a long trip, steven repeatedly asked how much longer and how much further. mom would tell him where they were and how much farther they had to go. as they drove out of montgomery, steven once again asked for an update. mom told him that they were on the edge of montgomery and how much further they would be going. a few moments later, steven asked, "are we about to fall off of Montgomery?"

for his bedtime stories, mom picked 3 books and held them up telling him to pick which one he wanted to hear first. he replied, "the one in your non-dominant hand."

on his final report card from kindergarten, the teacher marked that he didn't know his left from his right. perhaps she should have asked about dominant versus non-dominant.  

Stevenisms: 7-17-01

sunday, steven rode a go-cart in gatlinburg where his dad took him. as he was getting out, another child rammed his go-cart into steven's. steven's left foot was crushed and he had big painful abrasions. he cried for a half hour. monday, he came down with strep, so we made a trip to the urgent care. he cried as the nurse removed the adhesive bandages. as mom and i examined the wound, he glumly commented, "it's a good thing it was my left foot instead of my right." i was confused, but since my mom raised 3 kids (and a husband) she caught on and asked, "because you are right footed?" steven nodded.

while waiting (forever!) at the urgent care, we tried to cheer steven by playing with his new stuffed eagle. mom said that he'd better keep it away from our fish since eagle eat fish. steven replied, "it's a toy," and twisted it's stuffed beak to demonstrate. poor grandma. she just gets so carried away.  

Stevenisms: 7-13-01

steven got a red bear at school (means he got in trouble). as he got in the car, he said, "i know you're not happy." later, he asked me to take off his socks. i don't do things he can do himself, so i said 'no.' he said, "why not? because i got a red bear?" no.

he helped me make cookies last night. they had to be rolled into balls and then rolled in cinnamon. i started making them into balls and let him roll them in cinnamon. well, of course little huckleberry wanted to make them into balls. i told him he was doing a good job. he said, "i know. i make cookies better than you, don't i."

he watched scott's cousin play soccer. when her game was over, we all congratulated her on her playing. steven told her, "i play soccer faster than you."

scott was mowing, so steven asked to mow. i told him that the push mower was too hard. i was mopping and he asked if he could do it. i let him mop. scott said, "hey, steven! i can mop faster than you!" so steven said, "oh, no you can't" and proceeded to speed mop in circles around the room. still haven't got the footprint quirk worked out of his mopping.

scott was loading games from the internet and we were watching. steven got bored watching all of the technical aspects of loading software. so he told scott, "stop messin' around and look for a game!"

i read him some of the previous stevenisms and explained why some of them were funny. then it was time for him to go to bed and told him to get going. as he left the room, he turned around and said, "write some more of those tonight, okay?"

steven's reading is progressing rapidly and he now enjoys showing off his reading skills. he read a book to his class for show and tell. his teacher said that he his reading was complete with 'sound effects and all.' that night, he read a book to me. when he was done, he said, "are there any claps around here." it took me a second, but i caught on and applauded. then he said, "what about scott?" scott smiled, but didn't applaud. no more story time for him!!  

Stevenisms: 7-9-01

not too many stevenisms lately since he is visiting his dad. but i spoke with him last night and he asked if his butterflies had emerged from their chrysalis -es. (i don't know the plural of chrysalis.) i told him that they were supposed to hatch in 10 to 14 days and since it has been several months, they have probably died and won't be hatching. he said, "well, can you take them to a pet doctor and have him see if they will hatch." i told him that i don't know of any vets who practice on caterpillars. he advised me to look in the phone book and call around to find one. so, if anyone knows of caterpillar doctor, we are in need of one.  

Stevenisms: 7-1-01

while eating out with family in ohio, we got a waitress who was still in training. her waiter 'coach' hovered near by while she took our order. she said to 'ignore him.' later, he asked how we liked the meal and jeanette answered that it was fine. steven whispered to his grandma, "we are supposed to ignore that guy." jeanette assured him that it was okay to talk to him when he talked to us first.

karon took steven to toy'r'us and allowed him to pick out toys. steven, as usual, couldn't resist playing with the balls in the store. he bounced the ball too high and it went over the shelving into the next aisle. karon said that she heard something fall over there and she warned steven that if he didn't behave they would be thrown out. a second later, they heard a woman on the loud speaker saying, "As you leave, check out our tent sale...." steven's eyes got as big as saucers and he put his hands over his mouth in shock. then he asked karon, "how did they know i did that?" karon said, "you'd better put the ball back." he hurriedly put it back and improved his behavior for the rest of their toy store visit.  

Stevenisms: 6-20-01

monday, i was upset when i got home that scott didn't pick steven up and he hadn't done any housework. tuesday, when i got home, gina called and asked scott what he was doing. he told her he cooked waffles for me, a hot dog for steven, was marinating chicken, running the dishwasher, and cutting up cantaloupe. steven leaned over to me and whispered, "scott's not lazy any more, huh?"

lately, i'm always telling steven how parker is eating my food or if i am craving something i say that parker wants it. when i was eating cantaloupe, steven said, "does parker like cantaloupe?" i said that he did like it because it is nutritious. steven said, "well, when i was in your tummy, you didn't eat peas." i asked why he said that. he replied, "because i don't like peas."

after steven made the comment about peas, i shared what he said with scott. steven said, "i told you to quit telling people what i say. it gives me a headache." he is also irritated that i always laugh at things he said. he wants to know what is funny about it. try to imagine my attempts to explain.  

Stevenisms: 6-19-01

steven had to have blood drawn today. it was traumatic. he screamed and fought and turned all red. as they are drawing the blood, he screamed, "this is not okay! it doesn't hurt really bad, but it hurts too bad!" when they were done, he wanted to see the vile of blood. he was fascinated and kept asking me if we could have it. i said that they had to test it. he asked if we could get it after that. i said that they would dispose of it. he really wanted that vile of his blood, but he never suggested getting another vile.

we took a toy motorcycle to a co-worker who was hospitalized after a motorcycle accident. we told him that it was the safety version. steven was terribly jealous that he couldn't have the toy. when we approached the hospital today, he asked if it was the same hospital where we took the toy motorcycle to my co-worker. i said that it was. he asked if jodi was still there. i said that he was better and back at work. steven asked where he slept. i said that while he was in the hospital he slept in a hospital bed but when he got out he went back to sleeping in his bed. steven asked where the guy lived. i said that he lived in swansea. steven asked if that was another city. i said that it was. then he asked how he got to this hospital. i said that it was a big hospital and lots of people go there when they are hurt. he asked if the guy was still playing with the motorcycle. when i got to work i asked jodi if he still played with the motorcycle. he said that he played with it a while, but then he wrecked it and quit playing with it.

when jodi was in the hospital, i had the task of sending him flowers from the company. the florist asked if i wanted the card to say get well soon. since he had a head injury, i told them to put 'your head is not as hard as we thought.' when the neurologist asked jodi how he felt, jodi replied, 'with my fingers.'

little boy and father overheard in a restaurant bathroom:

boy: who is that man out there?

father: the maitre de. (pardon my french, lack there of)

boy: what does he do?

father: he seats people for his living.

boy: if he stops seating people, will he die?

darn, wish i could attribute that one to steven. don't you dare begin to think he isn't the cutest kid in the world. he is the cutest, the rest just have their moments.  

Stevenisms: 6-18-01

we went to tennessee this past weekend for scott's cousin kate's wedding. scott's mom told us that his cousin cindy and her husband had to leave suddenly because her husband's father died. her husband's name is also scott. when we were discussing it in front of steven, steven looked shocked and said, "scott had a present for his dad. a golf ball and some tees--'til he died." when we stopped laughing, we explained that it was a different scott since our scott's dad was standing a few feet away.

steven saw a godzilla key chain for $5 and started planning how to buy it. i told him he would have to do chores. we were at the mall and he asked, "if i don't talk the rest of the time we are here, can i have a dollar? would that be a chore for you?" i started laughing and told him it would be a chore for him, but i wouldn't pay him for it. since picking up the sticks in the backyard was such a pain, he now asked, "can i do 5 little chores that only take a second to get the five dollars."  

Stevenisms: 6-15-01

steven was asking if we could paint our truck like a soccer ball. i said no because it is leased and we can't make any changes to it. he asked what leased was. i said that we give it back in a few years. he asked if we have to give scott's car back. i said 'no. we bought scott's car.' he asked if we could buy the truck. i said that it was not worth buying because it is an american car and it won't last. he asked if scott's car would last. i said that it was a japanese car and it would last a very long time. he said, "not longer than my necklace with the pouch on it because it is made of hemp." hippy kid. it's his grandma's influence.

i was telling him that he had to share his toys with the baby. he was naming toys that he didn't want the baby to play with because he was afraid that they would be ruined. i told him that he needed to look through his toys and find ones that he will share with the baby. last night, after i told him to get in bed, he came in and said, "can i look for toys for the baby now?"

steven and i were at a mall which had a fountain at one end. steven asked for a penny to throw in the fountain. i didn't have any. so he asked for any coin. i didn't have any. so he said, "can i throw your credit card in the fountain?" i guess he is on the 'wish now, pay later plan.' can you have the credit card company cancel the charges if your wish doesn't come true?  

Stevenisms: 6-5-01

steven still has not received his "6 inch mothra." we checked the mail last night. he looked by the door where packages are often left behind a bush. after we went inside he asked, "can i go search the whole front yard to see if they left it somewhere else?"

he is in tennis camp this week. i thought i would surprise him and pick him up early. he was surprised alright. he was dropped off at the YMCA in the morning. he rode a bus to seven oaks elementary where i was waiting to pick him up. he said, "how did you know where to find me." i told him that it said in the papers from YMCA that he would be going to seven oaks. i asked if he was afraid he would be left at the school because i couldn't find him. he said, "no. i wanted to play on the playground!" he wanted me to take him back and leave him so he could play. i tried to temp him with having ribs for dinner. (he has liked pork ever since he was 3 and we told him that it was jedi food.) he was not interested. he spotted a mcdonald's sign and excitedly made it know that he wanted mcdonald's. so we waited in a slow line of cars until we got to the microphone to order. as i opened my mouth to order, he cried, "there's burger king! i want burger king!" so we pulled away from our long awaited turn at the microphone and went to burger king.

i asked what he bought at the afternoon 'canteen' where he is supposed to get a snack in the afternoon. he said, "Barbie Q-tips." i was shocked that he wanted anything having to do with barbie dolls and even more shocked that barbie now has her own q-tips. i mean, can you imagine how small a barbie q-tip would be? so i repeated it back to him. it was his turn to be shocked. he said, "no! barbecue chips!!" oh.

the waiter asked if i wanted more rice for my curried chicken. i said, 'yes, please.' he offered some to steven who regarded him intently for a moment before nodding. when the waiter walked away, i told steven to eat his rice. he said, "i didn't really want any rice. i was just being polite." i laughed, and he said, "what's so funny?" again, i tried to explain that perfectly normal actions are sometimes funny when a child does them.

steven said, "we are supposed to wear light clothes to tennis camp. not what they weigh, but the color." i don't think he has much confidence in my intellect.

at a thai restaurant, he asked for a balloon. when he came back he said, "they speak a different kind of english. when i asked for a green balloon, he said that he didn't understand what i said."

"if the baby is a girl, will it look like you, and will it look like scott if it is a boy."

steven got up at 5 this morning and then asked me every few minutes if he could go the the park at seven oaks elementary school yet. i told him to go down and eat breakfast if he wasn't going back to bed. he went down and heated up a piece of leftover pizza. after he was dropped at the playground at seven oaks, scott told me that steven had thrown a slice of pizza in his lunch bag, no wrapping, no sandwich bag; just threw it in there. when i picked him up, the instructor told me that since they have their things outside, ants got into his pizza, so please make sure to wrap his food. she is obviously not used to adventures with steven. he had taken out the food i packed for him. so he didn't have enough to eat and was starving by the time i picked him up. i told him tonight to leave the lunch as i packed it. he answered with his standard, "why?" although he is very concerned about bugs getting in food now. he asked why semi-trucks carry those big loads. i gave an example of the truck hauling food from farms to the grocery store. he was concerned that it was dirty from being on the ground inside the truck. i said that it was in boxes or crates. he said that bugs would get to it. i said that they load it on the truck and then drive so no bugs get to it. he said, "what if a string is hanging of the truck and the ant runs and climbs up it and get in the truck and gets to the food." i said that ants don't really do those sort of heroics. he replied, "haven't you seen ants run? they run really fast." i said that the truck went faster. before he went to bed, he requested that i put his graham cracker in something so that bugs don't get it. he also asked me to tape his box of nerds candy closed so bugs don't get in it.

ahhh. the nerds topic. scott stopped at a convenience store a month or more ago. he bought some treats for me and a box of nerds for steven. not realizing that the nerds were for steven, i ate them. later scott joked that he would tell steven that i ate his nerds. i said, "i don't care. hey, steven, scott bought you some nerds, but i didn't know they were for you and i ate them." he asked if we would get him more. we said that we would some time. since then, when we went in grocery stores, he would ask to get candy and if he was denied, he would ask to get some nerds since i ate his box of nerds. weeks went by without mention of the nerds. then in wal-mart he asked scott for candy. scott said 'no,' so steven asked if he could get nerds 'since mommy ate my nerds.' scott said 'no,' and told me about it when i got back. monday morning, when scott dropped him off at the ymca, before steven got out of the car, he said, "thanks for getting me nerds scott. i'm sure i would have liked them if mommy didn't eat them. can we get more sometime." so, at the store today, we bought him a big box of nerds. hopefully, that will end the crusade for nerds.

due to some incidents at school, i have started taking steven to a counselor to work on his ability to do what he is told and to follow rules. the guy was stern with steven on the first visit. we had our second visit tonight. when i picked him up from the y, he threw a basketball at one of the coaches. in the car, i told him that he was not to do that. he said, "are you going to tell the doctor?" i said that i wouldn't as long as he didn't do that any more.

at the doctor's office, there are a lot of toys. while we waited for the doctor, we looked at the toys and commented on some of them. steven said, "i didn't expect that he would like dolls so much." i explained that they were for kids who had a hard time talking about how they felt. he reached out and touched a koosh ball that was on the shelf. i told him that the toys belonged to the doctor and it wasn't right to touch them unless the doctor gave permission. steven said, "are you going to tell him that i touched it?"

on the way home, i asked what he thought of the doctor. he said, "i think that he is a good doctor. but i don't like when he takes away priveleges." i asked why he thought he was a good doctor. he replied, "because he is right about things." maybe he was afraid i would tell the doctor if he didn't say something nice.

when he sat down in the office before the session, he said, "i don't want to talk about me this time."  

Stevenisms: 6-2-01

the other night, we were eating at an indian restaurant. scott needed more water and raised his index finger to get the attention of the waiter. a few minutes later steven wanted more nan (bread) and politely raised his index finger to get the waiter's attention. i started laughing to see him being so formal. he was irritated and said, "what did i do wrong? how am i supposed to do it?" i tried to explain that it was just cute to see a six year old do that.

today, we were in the kitchen and steven said he saw the carpenter bee outside (which he refers to as the 'black bottom bumblebee). scott told him that it doesn't stick around any more because 'that guy' sprayed stuff on the deck to keep it away. steven said, "you mean bobby the bug man?" i cracked up. steven said, "didn't i say it right." i told him that he said it right. he said, "then why are you laughing at me?" i said that it was just funny that he knows the name of the exterminator.

if we tease steven, he says, "tell the truth!" this morning scott showed us a coupon for a free meal at chic-fil-a. i asked why they sent it to him. he said, "because i'm cool." steven said, "tell the truth!"

steven has to keep a journal this summer. he has the pet rabbit from his classroom. so in his journal today, he wrote, "the rabit is osum bkus it eats out uv mi han." does that need translation? my mom said that it was great phonetically.

i bought him a spanish tape so he could continue learning spanish while he is out of school. he told me that he liked it and wanted to show me that he learned part of it. so i went in to listen to him. he learned the chorus, which is in english. i'm not sure this tape thing is going to work.