Stevenisms: 8-13-01

scott and steven got nerds rope the other day. scott left some of his on the counter. i little mouse named steven ate it. i couldn't help laughing. scott had to expect that if he left candy in plain sight it would not be there later. steven was very honest about it. he told me as soon as i came down stairs. he said, "is it okay that i ate scott's candy? if you say it is okay, then scott won't get mad." clever kid.  

Stevenisms: 8-9-01

my mom bought frozen waffles for his breakfast when he was at her house. scott made waffles monday morning. steven said that he liked them better than the "toast berry pills boy" waffles at grandma's house. you are bright, so you can probably decipher that one. i had to call my mom and ask, "what kind of waffles." she told me that it was actually Pilsbury Doughboy. i liked steven's version. and really, pilsbury doughboy doesn't make any more sense than toastbury pilsboy. but scott slipped up and said 'pilsbury' in front of steven. now steven won't say the 'toastbury' version any more. he hates being wrong. he doesn't find it cute. last time i said 'toastbury pilsboy' he got mad and told me to only say it in my head. i hate when people correct his cute sayings. he doesn't say things wrong very often. so i have to enjoy it when he does. he used to say 'flum' for 'plum.' i loved that. but mom told him it was 'plum,' and he refused to say 'flum' anymore. maybe i would have more fun with a dumb kid.  

Stevenisms: 7-20-01

we were eating lunch at carolina bagel and steven wanted the pasta salad. when we sat down, he asked me to remove 'the Olivers' from his salad. mom and i thought it was so cute that we continued to call the olives 'olivers.' later that night i realized how mad he would be if he found out that we mislead him, so i had to tell him that they were 'olives' instead of 'olivers.'

on the drive to selma with mom, it was getting dark and there was just traces of crimson left in the sky. steven said, "this is like driving through a warehouse." mom wasn't sure what he meant and asked him why it was like driving through a warehouse. he said that it was scary like driving through a warehouse. mom asked, "like a werewolf?" steven replied, "yeah!"

as he usually does on a long trip, steven repeatedly asked how much longer and how much further. mom would tell him where they were and how much farther they had to go. as they drove out of montgomery, steven once again asked for an update. mom told him that they were on the edge of montgomery and how much further they would be going. a few moments later, steven asked, "are we about to fall off of Montgomery?"

for his bedtime stories, mom picked 3 books and held them up telling him to pick which one he wanted to hear first. he replied, "the one in your non-dominant hand."

on his final report card from kindergarten, the teacher marked that he didn't know his left from his right. perhaps she should have asked about dominant versus non-dominant.  

Stevenisms: 7-17-01

sunday, steven rode a go-cart in gatlinburg where his dad took him. as he was getting out, another child rammed his go-cart into steven's. steven's left foot was crushed and he had big painful abrasions. he cried for a half hour. monday, he came down with strep, so we made a trip to the urgent care. he cried as the nurse removed the adhesive bandages. as mom and i examined the wound, he glumly commented, "it's a good thing it was my left foot instead of my right." i was confused, but since my mom raised 3 kids (and a husband) she caught on and asked, "because you are right footed?" steven nodded.

while waiting (forever!) at the urgent care, we tried to cheer steven by playing with his new stuffed eagle. mom said that he'd better keep it away from our fish since eagle eat fish. steven replied, "it's a toy," and twisted it's stuffed beak to demonstrate. poor grandma. she just gets so carried away.  

Stevenisms: 7-13-01

steven got a red bear at school (means he got in trouble). as he got in the car, he said, "i know you're not happy." later, he asked me to take off his socks. i don't do things he can do himself, so i said 'no.' he said, "why not? because i got a red bear?" no.

he helped me make cookies last night. they had to be rolled into balls and then rolled in cinnamon. i started making them into balls and let him roll them in cinnamon. well, of course little huckleberry wanted to make them into balls. i told him he was doing a good job. he said, "i know. i make cookies better than you, don't i."

he watched scott's cousin play soccer. when her game was over, we all congratulated her on her playing. steven told her, "i play soccer faster than you."

scott was mowing, so steven asked to mow. i told him that the push mower was too hard. i was mopping and he asked if he could do it. i let him mop. scott said, "hey, steven! i can mop faster than you!" so steven said, "oh, no you can't" and proceeded to speed mop in circles around the room. still haven't got the footprint quirk worked out of his mopping.

scott was loading games from the internet and we were watching. steven got bored watching all of the technical aspects of loading software. so he told scott, "stop messin' around and look for a game!"

i read him some of the previous stevenisms and explained why some of them were funny. then it was time for him to go to bed and told him to get going. as he left the room, he turned around and said, "write some more of those tonight, okay?"

steven's reading is progressing rapidly and he now enjoys showing off his reading skills. he read a book to his class for show and tell. his teacher said that he his reading was complete with 'sound effects and all.' that night, he read a book to me. when he was done, he said, "are there any claps around here." it took me a second, but i caught on and applauded. then he said, "what about scott?" scott smiled, but didn't applaud. no more story time for him!!  

Stevenisms: 7-9-01

not too many stevenisms lately since he is visiting his dad. but i spoke with him last night and he asked if his butterflies had emerged from their chrysalis -es. (i don't know the plural of chrysalis.) i told him that they were supposed to hatch in 10 to 14 days and since it has been several months, they have probably died and won't be hatching. he said, "well, can you take them to a pet doctor and have him see if they will hatch." i told him that i don't know of any vets who practice on caterpillars. he advised me to look in the phone book and call around to find one. so, if anyone knows of caterpillar doctor, we are in need of one.  

Stevenisms: 7-1-01

while eating out with family in ohio, we got a waitress who was still in training. her waiter 'coach' hovered near by while she took our order. she said to 'ignore him.' later, he asked how we liked the meal and jeanette answered that it was fine. steven whispered to his grandma, "we are supposed to ignore that guy." jeanette assured him that it was okay to talk to him when he talked to us first.

karon took steven to toy'r'us and allowed him to pick out toys. steven, as usual, couldn't resist playing with the balls in the store. he bounced the ball too high and it went over the shelving into the next aisle. karon said that she heard something fall over there and she warned steven that if he didn't behave they would be thrown out. a second later, they heard a woman on the loud speaker saying, "As you leave, check out our tent sale...." steven's eyes got as big as saucers and he put his hands over his mouth in shock. then he asked karon, "how did they know i did that?" karon said, "you'd better put the ball back." he hurriedly put it back and improved his behavior for the rest of their toy store visit.  

Stevenisms: 6-20-01

monday, i was upset when i got home that scott didn't pick steven up and he hadn't done any housework. tuesday, when i got home, gina called and asked scott what he was doing. he told her he cooked waffles for me, a hot dog for steven, was marinating chicken, running the dishwasher, and cutting up cantaloupe. steven leaned over to me and whispered, "scott's not lazy any more, huh?"

lately, i'm always telling steven how parker is eating my food or if i am craving something i say that parker wants it. when i was eating cantaloupe, steven said, "does parker like cantaloupe?" i said that he did like it because it is nutritious. steven said, "well, when i was in your tummy, you didn't eat peas." i asked why he said that. he replied, "because i don't like peas."

after steven made the comment about peas, i shared what he said with scott. steven said, "i told you to quit telling people what i say. it gives me a headache." he is also irritated that i always laugh at things he said. he wants to know what is funny about it. try to imagine my attempts to explain.  

Stevenisms: 6-19-01

steven had to have blood drawn today. it was traumatic. he screamed and fought and turned all red. as they are drawing the blood, he screamed, "this is not okay! it doesn't hurt really bad, but it hurts too bad!" when they were done, he wanted to see the vile of blood. he was fascinated and kept asking me if we could have it. i said that they had to test it. he asked if we could get it after that. i said that they would dispose of it. he really wanted that vile of his blood, but he never suggested getting another vile.

we took a toy motorcycle to a co-worker who was hospitalized after a motorcycle accident. we told him that it was the safety version. steven was terribly jealous that he couldn't have the toy. when we approached the hospital today, he asked if it was the same hospital where we took the toy motorcycle to my co-worker. i said that it was. he asked if jodi was still there. i said that he was better and back at work. steven asked where he slept. i said that while he was in the hospital he slept in a hospital bed but when he got out he went back to sleeping in his bed. steven asked where the guy lived. i said that he lived in swansea. steven asked if that was another city. i said that it was. then he asked how he got to this hospital. i said that it was a big hospital and lots of people go there when they are hurt. he asked if the guy was still playing with the motorcycle. when i got to work i asked jodi if he still played with the motorcycle. he said that he played with it a while, but then he wrecked it and quit playing with it.

when jodi was in the hospital, i had the task of sending him flowers from the company. the florist asked if i wanted the card to say get well soon. since he had a head injury, i told them to put 'your head is not as hard as we thought.' when the neurologist asked jodi how he felt, jodi replied, 'with my fingers.'

little boy and father overheard in a restaurant bathroom:

boy: who is that man out there?

father: the maitre de. (pardon my french, lack there of)

boy: what does he do?

father: he seats people for his living.

boy: if he stops seating people, will he die?

darn, wish i could attribute that one to steven. don't you dare begin to think he isn't the cutest kid in the world. he is the cutest, the rest just have their moments.  

Stevenisms: 6-18-01

we went to tennessee this past weekend for scott's cousin kate's wedding. scott's mom told us that his cousin cindy and her husband had to leave suddenly because her husband's father died. her husband's name is also scott. when we were discussing it in front of steven, steven looked shocked and said, "scott had a present for his dad. a golf ball and some tees--'til he died." when we stopped laughing, we explained that it was a different scott since our scott's dad was standing a few feet away.

steven saw a godzilla key chain for $5 and started planning how to buy it. i told him he would have to do chores. we were at the mall and he asked, "if i don't talk the rest of the time we are here, can i have a dollar? would that be a chore for you?" i started laughing and told him it would be a chore for him, but i wouldn't pay him for it. since picking up the sticks in the backyard was such a pain, he now asked, "can i do 5 little chores that only take a second to get the five dollars."  

Stevenisms: 6-15-01

steven was asking if we could paint our truck like a soccer ball. i said no because it is leased and we can't make any changes to it. he asked what leased was. i said that we give it back in a few years. he asked if we have to give scott's car back. i said 'no. we bought scott's car.' he asked if we could buy the truck. i said that it was not worth buying because it is an american car and it won't last. he asked if scott's car would last. i said that it was a japanese car and it would last a very long time. he said, "not longer than my necklace with the pouch on it because it is made of hemp." hippy kid. it's his grandma's influence.

i was telling him that he had to share his toys with the baby. he was naming toys that he didn't want the baby to play with because he was afraid that they would be ruined. i told him that he needed to look through his toys and find ones that he will share with the baby. last night, after i told him to get in bed, he came in and said, "can i look for toys for the baby now?"

steven and i were at a mall which had a fountain at one end. steven asked for a penny to throw in the fountain. i didn't have any. so he asked for any coin. i didn't have any. so he said, "can i throw your credit card in the fountain?" i guess he is on the 'wish now, pay later plan.' can you have the credit card company cancel the charges if your wish doesn't come true?  

Stevenisms: 6-5-01

steven still has not received his "6 inch mothra." we checked the mail last night. he looked by the door where packages are often left behind a bush. after we went inside he asked, "can i go search the whole front yard to see if they left it somewhere else?"

he is in tennis camp this week. i thought i would surprise him and pick him up early. he was surprised alright. he was dropped off at the YMCA in the morning. he rode a bus to seven oaks elementary where i was waiting to pick him up. he said, "how did you know where to find me." i told him that it said in the papers from YMCA that he would be going to seven oaks. i asked if he was afraid he would be left at the school because i couldn't find him. he said, "no. i wanted to play on the playground!" he wanted me to take him back and leave him so he could play. i tried to temp him with having ribs for dinner. (he has liked pork ever since he was 3 and we told him that it was jedi food.) he was not interested. he spotted a mcdonald's sign and excitedly made it know that he wanted mcdonald's. so we waited in a slow line of cars until we got to the microphone to order. as i opened my mouth to order, he cried, "there's burger king! i want burger king!" so we pulled away from our long awaited turn at the microphone and went to burger king.

i asked what he bought at the afternoon 'canteen' where he is supposed to get a snack in the afternoon. he said, "Barbie Q-tips." i was shocked that he wanted anything having to do with barbie dolls and even more shocked that barbie now has her own q-tips. i mean, can you imagine how small a barbie q-tip would be? so i repeated it back to him. it was his turn to be shocked. he said, "no! barbecue chips!!" oh.

the waiter asked if i wanted more rice for my curried chicken. i said, 'yes, please.' he offered some to steven who regarded him intently for a moment before nodding. when the waiter walked away, i told steven to eat his rice. he said, "i didn't really want any rice. i was just being polite." i laughed, and he said, "what's so funny?" again, i tried to explain that perfectly normal actions are sometimes funny when a child does them.

steven said, "we are supposed to wear light clothes to tennis camp. not what they weigh, but the color." i don't think he has much confidence in my intellect.

at a thai restaurant, he asked for a balloon. when he came back he said, "they speak a different kind of english. when i asked for a green balloon, he said that he didn't understand what i said."

"if the baby is a girl, will it look like you, and will it look like scott if it is a boy."

steven got up at 5 this morning and then asked me every few minutes if he could go the the park at seven oaks elementary school yet. i told him to go down and eat breakfast if he wasn't going back to bed. he went down and heated up a piece of leftover pizza. after he was dropped at the playground at seven oaks, scott told me that steven had thrown a slice of pizza in his lunch bag, no wrapping, no sandwich bag; just threw it in there. when i picked him up, the instructor told me that since they have their things outside, ants got into his pizza, so please make sure to wrap his food. she is obviously not used to adventures with steven. he had taken out the food i packed for him. so he didn't have enough to eat and was starving by the time i picked him up. i told him tonight to leave the lunch as i packed it. he answered with his standard, "why?" although he is very concerned about bugs getting in food now. he asked why semi-trucks carry those big loads. i gave an example of the truck hauling food from farms to the grocery store. he was concerned that it was dirty from being on the ground inside the truck. i said that it was in boxes or crates. he said that bugs would get to it. i said that they load it on the truck and then drive so no bugs get to it. he said, "what if a string is hanging of the truck and the ant runs and climbs up it and get in the truck and gets to the food." i said that ants don't really do those sort of heroics. he replied, "haven't you seen ants run? they run really fast." i said that the truck went faster. before he went to bed, he requested that i put his graham cracker in something so that bugs don't get it. he also asked me to tape his box of nerds candy closed so bugs don't get in it.

ahhh. the nerds topic. scott stopped at a convenience store a month or more ago. he bought some treats for me and a box of nerds for steven. not realizing that the nerds were for steven, i ate them. later scott joked that he would tell steven that i ate his nerds. i said, "i don't care. hey, steven, scott bought you some nerds, but i didn't know they were for you and i ate them." he asked if we would get him more. we said that we would some time. since then, when we went in grocery stores, he would ask to get candy and if he was denied, he would ask to get some nerds since i ate his box of nerds. weeks went by without mention of the nerds. then in wal-mart he asked scott for candy. scott said 'no,' so steven asked if he could get nerds 'since mommy ate my nerds.' scott said 'no,' and told me about it when i got back. monday morning, when scott dropped him off at the ymca, before steven got out of the car, he said, "thanks for getting me nerds scott. i'm sure i would have liked them if mommy didn't eat them. can we get more sometime." so, at the store today, we bought him a big box of nerds. hopefully, that will end the crusade for nerds.

due to some incidents at school, i have started taking steven to a counselor to work on his ability to do what he is told and to follow rules. the guy was stern with steven on the first visit. we had our second visit tonight. when i picked him up from the y, he threw a basketball at one of the coaches. in the car, i told him that he was not to do that. he said, "are you going to tell the doctor?" i said that i wouldn't as long as he didn't do that any more.

at the doctor's office, there are a lot of toys. while we waited for the doctor, we looked at the toys and commented on some of them. steven said, "i didn't expect that he would like dolls so much." i explained that they were for kids who had a hard time talking about how they felt. he reached out and touched a koosh ball that was on the shelf. i told him that the toys belonged to the doctor and it wasn't right to touch them unless the doctor gave permission. steven said, "are you going to tell him that i touched it?"

on the way home, i asked what he thought of the doctor. he said, "i think that he is a good doctor. but i don't like when he takes away priveleges." i asked why he thought he was a good doctor. he replied, "because he is right about things." maybe he was afraid i would tell the doctor if he didn't say something nice.

when he sat down in the office before the session, he said, "i don't want to talk about me this time."  

Stevenisms: 6-2-01

the other night, we were eating at an indian restaurant. scott needed more water and raised his index finger to get the attention of the waiter. a few minutes later steven wanted more nan (bread) and politely raised his index finger to get the waiter's attention. i started laughing to see him being so formal. he was irritated and said, "what did i do wrong? how am i supposed to do it?" i tried to explain that it was just cute to see a six year old do that.

today, we were in the kitchen and steven said he saw the carpenter bee outside (which he refers to as the 'black bottom bumblebee). scott told him that it doesn't stick around any more because 'that guy' sprayed stuff on the deck to keep it away. steven said, "you mean bobby the bug man?" i cracked up. steven said, "didn't i say it right." i told him that he said it right. he said, "then why are you laughing at me?" i said that it was just funny that he knows the name of the exterminator.

if we tease steven, he says, "tell the truth!" this morning scott showed us a coupon for a free meal at chic-fil-a. i asked why they sent it to him. he said, "because i'm cool." steven said, "tell the truth!"

steven has to keep a journal this summer. he has the pet rabbit from his classroom. so in his journal today, he wrote, "the rabit is osum bkus it eats out uv mi han." does that need translation? my mom said that it was great phonetically.

i bought him a spanish tape so he could continue learning spanish while he is out of school. he told me that he liked it and wanted to show me that he learned part of it. so i went in to listen to him. he learned the chorus, which is in english. i'm not sure this tape thing is going to work.  

Stevenisms: 5-24-01

I told steven he was going to the doctor the next day and that he should think of anything he needed to talk to the doctor about. i told him that he could have the doctor check his chest where he was hit with a soccer ball (he wanted a chest x-ray, but the doctor confirmed that he didn't need one), we would tell the doctor that he often complained of a headache (usually when he didn't want to do something like pick up his room), and we would tell the doctor about his cough. i asked if there was anything else. he thought a minute and said that he would tell the doctor "sometimes i have to pee really bad. like when i ate that really big popsicle."

He told his teacher that "mommy needed medical attention because the baby kicked her so hard." actually i had gone to urgent care for an asthma attack. we can never tell if he didn't understand or if he just felt like telling a story.

He finally earned the money for mothra which he refers to as "six inch mothra" and has shown scott how big six inches is. so i called and ordered mothra. he was anxious for mothra to arrive and talked about how far it is to new york and how long it would take to drive mothra down here. when it didn't come for 3 days, he came to the conclusion that they had to make a mothra specifically to fill his order. THEN they sent the wrong mothra. it was larva mothra which looks like a big slug. he wanted to keep it and order the other one too. i didn't want to pay an extra $15 for a slug. so i packaged it to return it. he helped put it in the mailbox. before bed, he came into my room and asked if i thought they were done making the other mothra. i didn't feel like getting into a discussion on commerce, so i just said i didn't know. he came back a few minutes later and asked if i thought they had picked up the mothra from the mailbox yet. i told him that the mailman only came once a day and he wouldn't come until tomorrow. he wanted the mail man to drop off the correct mothra when he picked up the one in the mail box. i told him that the wrong one had to go back and then the replacement would be sent. he asked how long it took to get to new york. i told him about 18 hours. he asked how long that was. i said it is all day and most of the night. he was very frustrated that it would take the mailman so long to drive mothra to new york and then come back with his replacement.

to be continued...

his teacher told me that as the year comes to a close, he is anxious about going to first grade. he has told me that it will be too hard and no fun because they have to do work all day and not have recess. he has told his teacher that he isn't going to do any more of his kindergarten work because he didn't want to go to first grade. he wants to stay with ms. hite in kindergarten.

one day when he got into trouble at school, i was questioning him about his behavior. when i told him that he needs follow the rules and asked why he broke the rules he said, "i forgot! i wasn't being bad. it was just a forget! and that's not being bad! it's just a forget!"

he hugged me at a store and said, "i want my baby brother out now." he wants the baby to sleep in his room and he said he was going to read to the baby.

he was playing with godzilla when he was supposed to go to sleep. godzilla's tail came off and he couldn't get it back on. he got out of bed and brought it to scott who getting the hang of this parenting stuff and knew not to give the toy back to him. he told steven to go back to bed. steven said, "and then you will fix godzilla and then i can get up and come get him." scott said 'no. go to sleep. you can have it back in the morning.' steven said, "remind me in the morning so i don't forget godzilla." like we believe he will forget godzilla.

his 'slender grandma mary' gave him a little bear he calls 'softy bear.' it sleeps with him. he got very upset when he couldn't find softy. i was trying to read him a bed time story and he was so agitated over softy that he couldn't even sit still and listen. so i finally pulled the bed out from the wall and looked for softy. steven tucked him in and we were able to go on with the story. steven tucks things he likes under his pillow. he has rocks, books, and toys under there.

after the battle of "godzilla versus sparkle (the labrador)" where godzilla suffered his first loss in history, mom had to go get a godzilla replacement. in the mean time, steven cried that he couldn't have godzilla's tattered remains in his bed. i told him to take his grumpy rugby teddy bear to bed with him. he didn't want to and i told him that the bear was sad that steven never slept with him. steven stopped crying and took the bear to bed. i was folding laundry in the hall and could hear him talking to the bear. i had to take the clothes into his room. when i went in, he told me that the bear said he was cold and wanted to be under the covers. since then, steven has put all of his stuffed animals into his bed and refuses to remove any of them. he doesn't want to hurt their feelings. now there is barely room for steven and i have no place to sit to read him his bedtime stories. but big brown bear, softy and the rest of the fuzzy crowd are quite comfortable.

when scooter (yorkie) was to sleep in steven's room, he was in his carrier. steven put the carrier in his bed facing him so the dog could see him. he then covered the carrier with his comforter so scooter would be comfortable.

steven gets rather upset when bugs bother him in the yard. he comes inside and says he can't go out because "there is a black-bottom bumble bee!"  

Stevenisms: 5-21-01

this time it's in writing! as those who know steven are well aware, steven tends to talk A LOT! he is getting in trouble at school, so we are trying to teach him to control his urge to talk. i set the timer for 1 hour and told him not to talk until the hour was over or i would set it back and he would have to start the hour over. i told him that if he really needed to communicate, he could write it down. since he is only in kindergarten, he doesn't have adequate spelling abilities to express his needs. the following are his communications during that hour (with translation in parenthesis):

1. Wi du We haf to go git the sokr hsrt on Munday

(Why do we have to go get the soccer shirt on Monday?)

2. ("k" and "kan" are crossed out as he figured out that it starts with "c")

Can I hld the dog Wol u brush it

(Can I hold the dog while you brush it?)

3. Can I git u pop-sikl

(Can I get a popsicle)

4. Can I git the dog's thiu to put it on it!

(Can I get the dog's thing (inverted 'n') to put it on it?--he was referring to the dog's hair clip)

5. (asked if he wants an apple:)

if sha r green

(not sure what 'sha' is, but he meant if the apple is green he wants it)

6. Can I go alt sid

(Can I go out side?)

7. (told to write his address:)

1104 Rivrwok Way 29063

(1104 Riverwalk Way, skipped city and state and put the zip code)

8. (told to write the city and state:)

We did not do Rmosal 29063

(we couldn't figure out what he meant, so told him to write it again)

We did not do Rmo Salth CoRUlinu

(now we got it: We did not do Irmo, South Carolina (when he had to write his address earlier))

If you think I am demanding to make him write his address, it was one of the things that was part of his end of year kindergarten testing and will be expected at the beginning of first grade. he also is required to know how to do research on the internet. my boss can't even do research on the internet! so, yesterday, he researched frogs and butterflies.

when i was giving him a bath, he was telling me how much he loved me. he said, "i love you more than the sun. well, more that the moon, anyway. but the sun gives us light. you know." sigh. i just can't compete with the sun. light is so necessary. you know.

we made gingerbread men yesterday. he ate the gingerbread legs first so the gingerbread man couldn't run away. he said that it would be running funny since it would be running on its hands. i ate it's stomach and then took the next piece up. he said,"you just ate his ribs." gotta watch out for those gingerbread ribs. you could choke on one of those ribs. i hear they are good with barbecue.

i acted like i was going to put icing on his nose. he laughed and asked me to really put a dot on his nose. so i squirted a bunch of icing on his nose and then made him icing eyebrows. they were crooked, so when he looked in the mirror, he said, "i'm the angry gingerbread man!" i had to laugh every time i looked at him with those icing eyebrows and big white nose.

he mopped the wood floor in the living room Sunday. i went out to look at it. there were little footprints all over where he walked over the area he had just mopped. we'll have to work on that.

I previously wrote about his tirade on slavery when he had to pick up sticks in the back yard. he is apparently gathering support for his munchkin revolt. when i went in for the end-of-year conference with his teacher, she told me that another boy in the class very dramatically protested to her that "you treat us like slaves! you make us do so much work and you don't even pay us." i can only imagine what else he has his classmates telling their parents.  

Stevenisms: 5-14-01

scott told steven he would take him to play soccer sometime this weekend. steven said, 'all day!?' scott said, 'no. we would get hungry.' steven said, 'we can take food.' scott said, 'we would get tired.' steven said, 'we can take a blanket!'

steven's little dog, scooter, was sniffing around the kitchen floor and steven asked, 'is scooter still a crumb hunter?'

he brought me a pamphlet about some soccer camps from 8am to 12pm this summer. i told him that those wouldn't work because scott and i can't pick him up that early. he said, 'that's okay. i'll just stay and practice until you get off of work.'

steven was still working on his final chore to get the money to buy his mothra toy. this was the second time he had to go around picking up the sticks in the yard since he didn't get finished the first time. i was raking leaves and he asked, 'am i a slave?' i said, 'no. slaves don't get paid and you are getting paid.' he said, 'i don't like being a slave. do slaves get paid if they do more that what they were told to do?'

later at a restaurant, he asked, 'are the people who work here slaves?' i said, 'no. they get paid to work.' he asked if there were any slaves in the world anymore. i said there were some places. he asked, 'who gets paid to watch the slaves?' i said that i wasn't sure. he asked who watched the restaurant workers. i said that the manager did. so he looked for the manager when we were leaving to see if he was watching the workers.

while dining, steven wanted another straw. they were sitting on a ledge about 8 feet from our table. steven crouched down and tip toed over to the straws and stealthily snatched a straw and tiptoed back to the table like he was in some kind of cartoon.

while discussing how to dispose of all of the leaves in our back yard. 'trash' was mentioned, and steven piped up, 'trashy people are bad. they should recycle.'

while eating his pancakes, steven looked at me, opened his mouth wide and shoved in a whole scoop of butter. a minute later he made a face and spit it out and exclaimed, 'i thought it was whipped cream!' dastardly restaurant employees snuck that butter in along the whipped cream! evil slaves!

steven is always asking for toys and such. i tell him, 'get a job.' so one day, he looks at me and in all seriousness asks, 'what kind of job can i get?' i thought about it a while and realized i just lost clever come-back. darn kid is willing to work!  

Stevenisms: 5-8-01

i asked steven what color bear he got at school on friday (a daily behavior grading system where green is good, yellow is not so good, and red is bad). he said, indignantly, "green! and i didn't even get any PRIVILEGES!"

i asked if he would like to go to the beach one weekend. he said 'no.' i asked why not. he replied in a 'duh' tone of voice, "the ocean is SALT WATER." and looked at me like i was out of my mind. if anyone could cure me of my ignorance, please tell me the problem with salt water.

i asked him a few days later why he didn't want to go to the beach and he told me that there were too many people and there was no food at the beach. so i promised not to lose him and to bring some food along. still wondering about the salt water.

he wanted a toy and i told him he would have to do chores to get the money. he was picking up sticks in the back yard and asked me to help him. i said, 'do you want me to get the money.' he said 'no.' so i told him he had to do the chore. a little later i picked up a few sticks for him. he asked frantically, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" i said, 'i thought you wanted me to help.' he said, "are you going to take the money?" i said, 'no. you can still have the money.' a little later, i was pulling weeds and he was still picking up sticks. he called over, "i thought i was going to get a little help here!"

he asked what i thought flipper was doing. i said i had no idea. he asked if i knew who flipper was. i said that i did not. he said that it was his fish. (the fish was previously unnamed.) i said that i thought he was blowing bubbles. he said in his usual 'boy are you dumb' voice, "he is a fish. he doesn't blow bubbles." and i thought that was fish bubble gum i saw at Petsmart the other day. dumb me. i asked what he thought the fish was doing. he said that he thought flipper was "swimming around the bowl having a good ol' time."

i'm allergic to the cat so we keep it confined. the cat doesn't like this policy and works at the door until she gets it open. one morning when she was awol, i told steven to put her away. as he carried her through another room i heard him tell her, "I put you away once already! Now don't come out again!" i'm sure that cat was contrite.

we drove out a road near our house looking for a particular business. the scenery changed from suburban to country. we saw cows grazing in a hilly pasture. i told steven to look at the cows (i'm sure you all know how fascinating it is to watch grazing cows--snore). steven looked out the window and exclaimed, "WOW! Cows! We must be in Texas!" Texas!? I knew we should have stopped for directions.

steven had his school pictures back and they turned out great; much better that i had expected. he is in a nice sweater with neatly combed hair holding the new class rabbit. the background is a pretty country porch scene. i showed everyone at work and everyone agreed that they were good pictures (under no coercion from me of course). when i picked him up from school i told him that everyone at the office agreed his pictures turned out well. he asked what they like about them. i said that he had on a nice sweater, his clothes are clean, his hair is clean and tidy, and he's a handsome boy. he asked disappointedly, "No one likes our new rabbit?" uh, yes of course they like the rabbit. i forgot to mention that.

steven was playing on the internet on the fox kids site. scott walked in and saw that he was about to send an e-mail to the green power ranger which read, "i like you."

we have a cute little yorkie who was rescued from a crack house. he is about 2 years and was already named scooter when we got him. i took the dog along to pick steven up from after care at his school. his best friend, christopher, rather rudely asked why he would name his dog 'scooter.' i was about to say that he already had that name when we got him when i heard steven saying with some indignation, "because it is a COOL name!" better than my answer. i kept my mouth shut.

steven wore a coon skin hat to the grocery store one evening. an elderly lady stopped and asked him if he was daniel boone in that hat. he said, "i'm not wearing a hat. this is my hair." she was taken aback.

steven went along with scott to the hair salon when scott was getting a trim. when scott's trim was done, the stylist asked steven how it looked. steven said, "it looked better before." scott worriedly looked in the mirror. scott later told me about it and said, 'he really had me going there for a minute.' i asked if steven was kidding or serious. scott replied, "i'm still not sure."

in the car one day, i said that i needed to find the clip for my hair. steven said impatiently, "if you were really serious about doing your hair, you would buy a snap clip." i suddenly realize he was watching entirely too much tv. but it was too late. he was already convince the needed a leg pillow and a memory pillow.

steven was kicking a soccer ball around with scott and one of scott's friends, adam. adam kicked a shot that caught steven right in his chest. for the first time in his life, steven had his breath knocked out. pretty scary to not be able to breath for even a second when you are six years old. that night he told me that he didn't want to go to the soccer camps this summer because soccer was 'too dangerous.' i assured him that kids closer to his size would not hurt him as bad as a 260 pound adult who is 6'2". the next day he asked if he "could get a chest x-ray to make sure nothing is broken." i said that i couldn't take him for an x-ray until i got his insurance card from his dad because x-rays are expensive. he asked if he could call to remind his dad to send the card. i said, 'sure.' he said, "can i call him when he isn't there and leave a message so he doesn't laugh."

last week i had to call steven's teacher to request another copy of his homework sheet. i sheepishly told her that while the dog didn't eat the homework, he did jump up on the table and knock over a glass of milk onto the paper. when the milk dried, it glued the paper to the table to thoroughly that soap, water, and goo-begone were not able to get it off. scott had to scrape the homework off the table with a razor blade. apparently our dog feels he is too intelligent to eat the homework and found a more efficient and effective method of destroying homework. or perhaps he felt that eating it was just too cliche'.

okay. go live your lives. but for those of you with the stamina to reach the end of my babble about steven, thank you for your attention.  

Stevenisms: 4-23-01

steven's quote for 4/18/01:

i was questioning steven when he got into trouble at school. i asked him why he didn't do what his teacher told him. he replied that he 'didn't hear her because there were a bunch of kids LOLLYGAGGING around.'

quote for 4/21/01

we had to meet up with scott to pick scott up at a motorcycle repair shop. steven asked if i had ever been there before. i said i had not. he asked how we would find it. i said that scott had drawn it out for me. steven asked if scott 'drew a picture of what it looks like or directions to get there.' i laughed picturing myself driving around columbia looking building that looked like the drawing. it told him it was directions.

quote for 4/22/01

steven was looking at his bible story book. he asked if about whether it was jacob or esau who was bad. i said that it was esau. he asked what esau did that was bad. i said that he tried to kill jacob and he married canaanite women. later i asked steven if he knew why it was bad for esau to marry canaanite women. he said, "OH! I thought you said that he buried them."  

Stevenisms: 4-19-01

Steven was asking about when the baby is born. he asked if the baby would have clothes. we said 'yes.' he asked if it was born with clothes on. we said 'no.' we said that we buy clothes for it. so he asked if we would be taking a naked baby to the store and then buying it clothes. we said we would buy clothes before it was born and put them on after it was born while we were still at the hospital.

he wants all of his toys to be metal so the baby won't break them.

he said that he would read to the baby.

there was something on the radio about diaper changing. he said 'gross.' i told him that he would have to help me change the baby. he protested and i told him 'well, i changed your dirty diapers.'   

Stevenisms: 1-23-01

since i forgot to call you, i guess i will type it out. chris built steven's swing set last weekend. monday night steven played on it after school. michaels' has christmas lights on sale. they are only 25 cents for a string of 50 lights. i like bunching them up in glass containers. they look really cool. i put a strand of green lights in steven's room because he likes green. he asked to keep them on when he went to bed. scott turned them off and steven told him that i said he could have them on. scott asked me and then turned them back on. a while later, scott just knew steven was in there playing or looking at books since he had light in his room. so scott burst into the room to catch him at it. steven was laying in bed with his blanket just like he was supposed to be. scott felt stupid and mean, so he tried to play it off and come up with something to say. he asked, "did you have fun on your playset today?" steven said, "what playset?" scott said, "your swing set." steven said, "yeah" and continued to look at scott with confusion on his face. scott said, "good" and closed the door. a while after that scott was sure that steven started playing after he left, but he was afraid of looking like an idiot again, so he did not go check.