Stevenisms: 2-20-02

steven's new fascination is with chess. his dad is amazing at chess. so i have always expected steven to be a chess wiz from age 3 on. his dad never worked with him on it until now. steven has played scott twice and lost both games. i expect this to change. we let him start playing chess master on the computer last weekend. he did the tutorials for a while. then he played against the computer and quickly lost. then he discovered he can set the game so he is controlling both sides. so he repeatedly beat the tar out of the black side. then he started allowing the black side to make some moves. he told me that he captured every black piece but the king, then allowed the king to take every white piece except the king and queen. then the queen wiped out the black king. i figure he is learning from all of this. i just don't think he is prepared to learn by losing. so in the meantime, he will continue beating helpless opponents. hopefully this will prepare him for opponents who exist. it is amazing how long he will stay on chessmaster. eventually, he will beat you all! i am terrible at chess. but if my offspring becomes a chessmaster, then i am vicariously a chessmaster. just like i have always hated being short, but when steven hits 6', i am vicariously going to be tall. steven only has to be brilliant, funny, tall, strong, and every other superlative. no pressure there!  

Parkerisms: 1-25-02

parker likes sucking his thumb so much that if his collar or blanket get in the way he screams. we always have to make sure he has access to his thumbs. when he is nursing or drinking his bottle, he tries to put his thumb in his mouth at the same time. this gets a little messy. he just wants it all at once. if he is particularly anxious, he sucks both thumbs at the same time. when he is neither tired nor anxious, he will suck his fingers. like me, he believes that if a little is good, more is better. so he has been known to suck all 8 fingers at one time. life would be supremely happy for parker if we could make milk come out of his thumbs. his bedtime routine is sucking his thumb, laying in his vibrating bouncy seat, watching his 'fishies' listening to brahm's lullaby, and either playing with his hair or gripping his covers or clothes. a crib seemed so necessary before he was born.... now it is just a very expensive changing table. some babies develop a bald spot and a flat spot on the back of their head from laying in the crib. parker has a bald flat spot, but it is off to the right side because he prefers his right thumb and turns his head to the right to suck that thumb.  

Stevenisms: 1-17-02

someone tried to steal his godzilla and rodan toys yesterday at his aftercare program. he has lost treasured toys before. he just doesn't think past his immediate desire to take them with him as he goes out the door. also, he still has the illusion of invincibility. he even tells me that he can run faster than cars so he won't get hit and that he would beat up anyone who tried to kidnap him. i didn't lose my superpowers until i was about 20. i think that even if he lost baby godzilla, he wouldn't learn. he will probably maintain his delusions for years to come. his dad hasn't lost the delusions yet.

i heard a report on the radio last night about premature babies having lower IQ than the average population. the test babies were under 3 pounds at birth. since parker was over 5 pounds, hopefully he'll be okay. steven was always so advanced, parker seems light years behind. i like that he is so 'baby-ish.' he is a lot of fun and so cute. he seems okay if i can keep myself from comparing him to steven. maybe he will be more laid back than steven. that would be pleasant. steven is so intense all of the time.

scott is taking steven to the circus saturday. there is some sort of pre-show tour an hour before the circus performance starts. i think steven will really enjoy it. i can't even imagine how many questions he will ask. he analyzes everything to death. one day in the car, we told him to talk to the baby because parker is always so excited to see steven. steven kept asking questions like, "i don't know what parker is saying. i don't know baby talk. what is he saying? if he doesn't know what i'm saying, why should i talk to him? what do i say to him? but, he doesn't know what that means." scott finally said, "QUIT ANALYZING IT AND DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD!" talking to a baby is more emotional than logical. it is just forming brain connections based on stimulation rather than really organized logical learning. steven already saw a film about brain development, so i don't know how i could explain it much better than that. and i really don't feel like it while riding in the car. it is as if he has to understand everything 100% before he will accept it. maybe 150%. little sponge.

steven does seem to be eating more. of course i let him have just about anything he wants, so why wouldn't he eat more? he says, "can i have...?" and i say, "yes! yes! whatever! just eat!" last night he wanted pizza and i didn't get. does that make a terrible mother? he ate spaghetti, a gingerbread man, 2 bites of my supremely special cheesy cake, a package of gushers, strawberries, and milk. i need to go to the store. i prefer sending scott. i prefer having scott do everything for me, except eat. i like to do the eating. have i told you that he imitates the baby? if not, let me know and i will tell you about it.  

Stevenisms: 1-17-02

a co-worker has chickens that lays eggs in various colors. steven wanted to eat an egg that still looks like an egg so i told him that i would hard boil some eggs. i was picking out a couple to boil and he asked, "will this one work?" like some work and others just won't boil. for a long time there was an egg in the refrigerator that i wasn't allowed to cook because it was HIS egg. i had to keep explaining over and over that there was no chicken in the egg. i finally threw it away when he wasn't around.

so i called my mom to ask how to hard boil eggs. she said to put cold water in the pot and bring it to a boil, remove the pot from the heat and cover it with a lid and wait about 20 minutes. so i put he eggs in the pot and took it to the sink and put in the cold water. steven said, "can i eat it now?" no, i need to boil it. he asks for a gingerbread cookie and i said 'okay.' he starts climbing on the counter and i say, "get down! i will get the cookie." he says, "i need to watch the eggs!" mom is still on the phone and hears him. she says, "doesn't he know that a watched pot never boils?" it was kind of strange because i kind of got the feeling she actually believes that. steven kept asking if the eggs were done. i finally told him it would be at least 20 minutes. he said, "set the timer!" mom says, "no! not until after they boil! you have to wait until it boils!" so now i'm trying to think how to explain the process to him and how to tell her that i understand her instructions but it will pacify steven if i set the timer. i give up. i said "okay" to both of them and kept the timer away from the phone so mom wouldn't hear it.

so the watched pot finally boiled and i reset the timer. i tried to get steven to get off of the counter, but he climbed back up and insisted that there must be something he wanted to eat in those upper cupboards even though i put everything he can eat in the lower cupboards so he can get to it. so he is climbing on the counter and going through the cupboards. he get out my oreo ice cream cones. he has one in his hand and i start putting the package away and he starts screaming that he wants the "one on the end!" i keep saying that they are all the same but he insists that one on the end is bigger. unable to convince him otherwise, i finally let him have the "big" cone. (they ARE all the same! can i at least convince you of this?)

the timer dings and steven yells for me until i come and check on his eggs. the water wasn't cool yet and kept trying to tell him we had to wait. "but they cooled for a half hour already!" so i finally started adding cold water to cool the eggs. steven stayed under foot asking every few seconds if he could have one now. i finally said yes and he grabbed an egg and tried to take a bite, shell and all. i said, "you have to take the shell off." he said, "i knew that. i was joking around." okay, steven. so he asked for help taking the shell off. as i was helping him, he asked, "is it yummy yet?"

now scott is hassling me to get in the car because we're going to the store. i told him that i have written everything up to the present moment, so i was ready. he said he is keeping steven down stairs so he can't do any more funny stuff for me to write about.

ciao   

Stevenisms: 1-16-02

steven and i have an ongoing fight about him taking his toys to school. i am particularly adamant about him leaving expensive, irreplaceable toys home (like baby godzilla). this morning he was arguing that he needed to take baby godzilla with him. he said, "i hardly play with him because i can't get used to him since you won't let me take him anywhere." so i guess that steven and baby godzilla will never get familiar with each other. tragic.  

Stevenisms: 1-15-02

Last night, Steven told me that the earth is turning all of the time even though it doesn’t seem like it is moving. I said, “I think it just stopped.” He said, “no! it didn’t! it never stops!” Then he was telling me that I do something all the time. He said, “24 hours a day! And 24 hours a night!” Mom was surprised to hear that we are having 48 hour cycles now. Leave it to Steven to change the laws of the universe.

In his bath, he said that he wanted to show me something. Sometimes he says that just to get my attention and them spends 10 minutes thinking of something to show me. So I washed his hair while he was thinking. He told me that now I had ruined it. He asked if there was soap in the water. I said that there probably was. He said, “Well wash it out!” As soon as I figure out how to wash the soap out of the water, I will comply.

He dumped about 2 bottles of bath gel into the tub and called me in to show me all of the bubbles he made. He was so proud of making those bubbles that I let the fact he used up all of the bath gel sort of slide as he pointed “look at this big bubble! I just used the rest of that one and that one and part of that one (pointing to the now empty bottles)”

Parker fell asleep right as we got to the waffle house. I parked the truck at the window so we could watch him as we ate. One of the parker rules is “do not wake the baby” which he pronounces “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” After about 15 minutes, Steven scolded me, “parker is probably out there crying this whole time! You need to go check on him.” So I did. And of course he was sleeping soundly. When we got back in the car, the sound of closing doors woke him. So Steven said, “see! I told you he was awake!” I just don’t know how we could raise this baby without Steven’s input.

He kept asking for an ‘ice mothra’ among other “needs.” (Imagine that: Steven asking for toys. That never happens, right?) I told him that I spent more money on toys for him than I could really afford and that he would have to wait until I had more money. He solemnly handed me his $5 bill to help me out.

I kept telling him to get up yesterday morning. I finally got frustrated and asked him what would get him out of bed because I was tired of fighting. He told me to go bid on an ice mothra and let him know when I won and then he would get out of bed to come look at it. Getting him up for school would get awfully expensive. So this morning I tried the tickle method.

He wanted a ‘to-go’ box for his unfinished waffle last night. He wouldn’t speak up and tell the waiter. Could it be that Steven is getting shy in his old age? So he sat there with his hand raised in the middle of waffle house expecting the waiter to call on him. Didn’t happen. After about 6 tries, he finally said, “Excuse me” and the waiter promptly got him a ‘to-go’ box.

When the waiter brought the bill, I put out the money along with a tip. As the waiter picked it up, I said, “I don’t need any change.” Steven looked at me in surprise and said, “Well I want the change!” I shushed him and told him that you give the waiter a tip when you pay. He asked why and I him told that it is for the service. He said he wanted a tip. I said, ‘what have you done for me?’ “Well, I got lots of pink checks at school for being good. And you didn’t even get me a toy every time!” Such a neglectful mother. Poor deprived child! I don’t know how he survives.

When ordering at the waffle house, Steven said he wanted “a waffle and twenty pieces of bacon.” The waiter laughed and said he was crazy. When Scott got home from class, he cooked a whole package of bacon for Steven since the waiter ‘adjusted’ Steven’s order to 2 strips of bacon. So Steven munched on bacon for breakfast and had a gingerbread man for ‘dessert.’ The gingerbread man was of course screaming, “run, run as fast as you can…” as Steven ate his limbs.

Stevenisms: 10-30-01

steven had the first of four appointments to fill his cavities today. he wanted the whole tooth to be silver instead of just part of the tooth. and he really wanted gold. he likes gold. he put himself to bed because his mouth hurt. october 30, 2001 steven gary fogle II put himself to bed without having to be threatened with extreme bodily harm. mark your calendar.

on the way home from the dentist he may have still been under the influence of pain medication because he said, "you aren't cool. you aren't even 70 yet." i said, "so, i will be cool when i'm seventy?" he said, "yes. but i will be cooler. i will be 100 when you are 70." "how are you going to get older than me?" "i'm going to eat healthy and grow faster and birthday sooner." i started to laugh and opened my mouth to explain the time continuum. thinking about the conversation to follow and my ability to effectively explain the linear nature of time, i simply said, "good plan." he said, "i'm going to keep it a secret." okay. doctors are working hard to stave off aging and steven is going to discover the secret of reaching 100 the fastest. he may do it. he told scott's cousin that he plays soccer faster than she does. he announced to a wedding party that he could dance the fastest. he insisted that he could mop fastest. i believe that he really has found the secret to speed the aging process. he certainly is aging me.

for the past week, he has been asking to take godzilla to school. the teacher has forbidden it. he keeps telling me that she says he can take it to school as long as she doesn't see it and he keeps it in his bag. he says that she allows it but if she sees it out during school, she will take it away because he is only allowed to get it out at the after-care program. i spoke to her tonight. she said that he has been hassling her a zillion times a day saying that his mom said that he could take godzilla to school as long as his teacher doesn't say 'no.' he tells her that i want him to take it to play with at afternoon safari. well, he isn't exactly lying. he is selling. he presenting the facts in just the right light to get his way. i said that i would talk to his teacher about it and he played a guilt trip on me. "you don't believe me! you think i'm lying!" oh, my goodness! my son thinks i'm calling him a liar! so, after talking to his teacher, we discover he is cleverly playing us both. so i tell him, "your teacher says that there is no reason for you to take toys to school. school is not the place for toys." "so, I can take it!?" no. no. no. wow. he must have sold so hard that he convinced himself too.

gotta go to bed now. rest my aging bones. hope i have the strength tomorrow to keep steven from twisting me into a pretzel. my 70 year old body just can't take it.  

Stevenisms: 10-28-01

steven had a rough weekend. he had isaac over friday night and they dumped my nail polish remover when they were supposed to be brushing their teeth. steven lied about it and got a spanking. the next day he told scott, "you spank too hard!" he has to fight back his laughter when i spank him because it doesn't hurt.

the next day, steven was acting up and scott brought him back in the house to have a 'chat' with him. scott loudly told him "your mother and i love you very much. why do you think we try so hard to straighten you out." i was upstairs trying not to laugh about scott yelling 'we love you' at steven. the tone and words just seemed a bit ironic.

i had a nightmare that i was trying to spank steven and my arms were so weak that all i could manage was a pat on the bottom. i had another nightmare that i was trying to pull a semi-trailer with my scooter (the motor bike, not the yorkshire terrier, or as steven calls him, yorkshire carrier). i was having to pull the fully loaded several ton trailer on the highway and hit a traffic jam. i was on a cell phone talking to my mom, screaming every time i nearly ran into the back of the car in front of me. i was performing this fete on the way to a job interview. if that is what i have to do to get my next job, i'm never leaving scana.

scott got me a bowl of icecream and was bringing it upstairs to me. i noticed he was swallowing something as he reached me. the night before, he was bringing me a glass of water. when he got to me, i had to wait for him to finish drinking before he handed over what was left. i had to laugh because it brought back memories of when steven was 2 or 3 and he was in the kitchen with mom. they were eating triscuits and i wanted some. i asked mom to give me some (i was in the living room doing something). she told steven to bring me some. he handed me a soggy corner of a triscuit. i said, "mom, i would like a little more than a bite!" she said, "what do you mean? I gave him a whole handful of crackers for you." if i had to count on scott and steven to bring me food, i would starve to death. maybe i could market some kind of diet plan where the gimic is that your child or husband serves you your food. i would of course include a disclaimer of liability: if you are about to starve to death, break the diet and go to the kitchen yourself. I take no responsibility for those who die of starvation subsisting on soggy cracker corners served by their husband and children.  

Stevenisms: 10-23-01

steven was watching Godzilla vs. Destroyah last night and asked me to watch it with him. i sat down for a few minutes. on the movie, one of the psychics who was pursuing godzilla said that she wished she lost her psychic ability so she could be an ordinary girl with a husband and children. i was thinking 'what a loser.' steven turns to me and says,"that's you." uh! he continued to watch me for a response but i was too stunned to respond. 'ordinary girl!' husband and children were not my goal! they are pleasant diversions. 'ordinary girl!' okay, so i don't want to be a godzilla chasing psychic, but i can't believe i'm an 'ordinary girl!' i'm an accountant! i work for a fortune 500 company in their s.e.c. reporting division. i drive a truck. i own a scooter (motor scooter and a dog named scooter). what do i have to do to not be an ordinary girl? i promise to never crochet again! i don't even cook or clean!  

Stevenisms: 10-22-01

steven had a visitor this weekend. my friend spring brought her son gregory. steven and gregory were joined at the hip the whole weekend. sunday morning, steven wouldn't share his tootsie rolls with gregory. gregory got upset and pushed steven. steven told him to get out of the house. when gregory refused, steven threatened to punch him in the eye if he didn't get out. gregory stepped out the door and steven locked him out of the house. when steven heard spring coming down the stairs, he ran to the door and unlocked it. spring told him to never do anything like that again. i later tried to discuss it with steven and he kept saying, "i already discussed this with gregory's mom. could we just forget about it?" gregory had a red mark on his arm and when spring asked him what happened, he said that it was bug bites. spring said that it wasn't bug bites and steven piped up, "well, i didn't bite him!"

spring told gregory to say his ABCs in the car. he apparently didn't want to say them because he said that 'satan put a gun in my mouth and stole the ABCs like a robber.' that was slightly different than steven's excuse years ago that he couldn't say his ABCs because 'my mouth is too small.'

gregory has a speech problem and sometimes(actually, rather often) even his mom can't understand him. oddly, steven never has any problem understanding gregory. so i have to ask steven to interpret when gregory speaks. now, whenever gregory speaks, steven looks at me sideways and smirks. i guess that he is checking to see if his pathetic mother needs his assistance.

gregory speak:

foos = shoes

otay = okay

gwayee = gregory

maybe steven understands because of his multicultural exposure. he has spanish class at school. i have heard theories that young children should be exposed to foreign language early. they have a natural ability to pick up languages while you. so his exposure to spanish makes him more likely to understand other foreign tongues like "young child language."

i asked 2 supervisors what i should be doing with confidential documents since i haven't seen a shredder. my supervisor said that he has a sign on his recycle bin instructing the cleaning staff not to empty his bin. he said that it does no good since the cleaning staff does not speak english. i asked if he would like me to have steven translate it to spanish for him. or maybe baby talk.

backyard conversation when little carol ann brought a treat to steven:

carol ann (4): hi, you guys.

steven (6): what's up?

gregory (5): we jus pwaying.

carol ann: can i have these stickers? can i open this candy? (items from the treat bag she just brought to give to steven)

katy (28): boys, pick up the toys.

carol ann (yelling): get these toys picked up, boys!

bye, you guys!

steven: later, dude.  

Stevenisms: 8-19-01

hello everyone!

steven is proud to announce the birth of his baby brother, parker. parker was born aug. 13 and weighed 5 lb. 2 oz. he was 18 inches long. he has brown hair and indeterminate eye color. his eyes will likely be hazel since everything else about him is the spitten image of his daddy, scott. parker is healthy and is resting peacefully at home until he gets hungry and demonstrates his tremendous lung capacity to summon mommy, his personal cow. mommy is doing well and is quickly learning her place on the food chain. daddy is tickled pink to have his little offspring. mommy and daddy will need to be slapped if they say "he's so cute!" one more time.

as for "the big brother," he has has a new shirt announcing his status as big brother which he is thrilled to sport. he went to grandma's for the weekend to let his parents rest. he announced that by the time he gets back, he hopes that parker "has his neck muscles so he can crawl and play." steven has held parker a few times and has put a clean diaper on him twice. steven told mommy, "you can clean up the poop and i will put the diaper on." thanks. steven put a diaper on his teddy bear for practice. so his rugby playing, snarling teddy bear is wearing the latest in diaper fashion. it squeezes in his hips and puffs his chest out. very intimidating rugby bear.

steven is having good time at grandma's because even though mommy forbid grandma to buy him any more toys, mommy did not anticipate steven's loophole. he got grandpa to buy him more toys. when he described his latest acquisitions to mommy, she asked, "so, do you have enough toys now." steven was silent a moment before replying that he needed just one more. just one more. hmmmm. seems that i've heard that somewhere before. as a matter of fact, i think it is the motto of a few addicts i know. well, if he gets that other toy dinosaur which composes the 'just one more,' i will let you know if he finally believes that he has enough. please, don't hold your breath.  

Stevenisms: 8-13-01

scott and steven got nerds rope the other day. scott left some of his on the counter. i little mouse named steven ate it. i couldn't help laughing. scott had to expect that if he left candy in plain sight it would not be there later. steven was very honest about it. he told me as soon as i came down stairs. he said, "is it okay that i ate scott's candy? if you say it is okay, then scott won't get mad." clever kid.  

Stevenisms: 8-9-01

my mom bought frozen waffles for his breakfast when he was at her house. scott made waffles monday morning. steven said that he liked them better than the "toast berry pills boy" waffles at grandma's house. you are bright, so you can probably decipher that one. i had to call my mom and ask, "what kind of waffles." she told me that it was actually Pilsbury Doughboy. i liked steven's version. and really, pilsbury doughboy doesn't make any more sense than toastbury pilsboy. but scott slipped up and said 'pilsbury' in front of steven. now steven won't say the 'toastbury' version any more. he hates being wrong. he doesn't find it cute. last time i said 'toastbury pilsboy' he got mad and told me to only say it in my head. i hate when people correct his cute sayings. he doesn't say things wrong very often. so i have to enjoy it when he does. he used to say 'flum' for 'plum.' i loved that. but mom told him it was 'plum,' and he refused to say 'flum' anymore. maybe i would have more fun with a dumb kid.  

Stevenisms: 7-20-01

we were eating lunch at carolina bagel and steven wanted the pasta salad. when we sat down, he asked me to remove 'the Olivers' from his salad. mom and i thought it was so cute that we continued to call the olives 'olivers.' later that night i realized how mad he would be if he found out that we mislead him, so i had to tell him that they were 'olives' instead of 'olivers.'

on the drive to selma with mom, it was getting dark and there was just traces of crimson left in the sky. steven said, "this is like driving through a warehouse." mom wasn't sure what he meant and asked him why it was like driving through a warehouse. he said that it was scary like driving through a warehouse. mom asked, "like a werewolf?" steven replied, "yeah!"

as he usually does on a long trip, steven repeatedly asked how much longer and how much further. mom would tell him where they were and how much farther they had to go. as they drove out of montgomery, steven once again asked for an update. mom told him that they were on the edge of montgomery and how much further they would be going. a few moments later, steven asked, "are we about to fall off of Montgomery?"

for his bedtime stories, mom picked 3 books and held them up telling him to pick which one he wanted to hear first. he replied, "the one in your non-dominant hand."

on his final report card from kindergarten, the teacher marked that he didn't know his left from his right. perhaps she should have asked about dominant versus non-dominant.  

Stevenisms: 7-17-01

sunday, steven rode a go-cart in gatlinburg where his dad took him. as he was getting out, another child rammed his go-cart into steven's. steven's left foot was crushed and he had big painful abrasions. he cried for a half hour. monday, he came down with strep, so we made a trip to the urgent care. he cried as the nurse removed the adhesive bandages. as mom and i examined the wound, he glumly commented, "it's a good thing it was my left foot instead of my right." i was confused, but since my mom raised 3 kids (and a husband) she caught on and asked, "because you are right footed?" steven nodded.

while waiting (forever!) at the urgent care, we tried to cheer steven by playing with his new stuffed eagle. mom said that he'd better keep it away from our fish since eagle eat fish. steven replied, "it's a toy," and twisted it's stuffed beak to demonstrate. poor grandma. she just gets so carried away.  

Stevenisms: 7-13-01

steven got a red bear at school (means he got in trouble). as he got in the car, he said, "i know you're not happy." later, he asked me to take off his socks. i don't do things he can do himself, so i said 'no.' he said, "why not? because i got a red bear?" no.

he helped me make cookies last night. they had to be rolled into balls and then rolled in cinnamon. i started making them into balls and let him roll them in cinnamon. well, of course little huckleberry wanted to make them into balls. i told him he was doing a good job. he said, "i know. i make cookies better than you, don't i."

he watched scott's cousin play soccer. when her game was over, we all congratulated her on her playing. steven told her, "i play soccer faster than you."

scott was mowing, so steven asked to mow. i told him that the push mower was too hard. i was mopping and he asked if he could do it. i let him mop. scott said, "hey, steven! i can mop faster than you!" so steven said, "oh, no you can't" and proceeded to speed mop in circles around the room. still haven't got the footprint quirk worked out of his mopping.

scott was loading games from the internet and we were watching. steven got bored watching all of the technical aspects of loading software. so he told scott, "stop messin' around and look for a game!"

i read him some of the previous stevenisms and explained why some of them were funny. then it was time for him to go to bed and told him to get going. as he left the room, he turned around and said, "write some more of those tonight, okay?"

steven's reading is progressing rapidly and he now enjoys showing off his reading skills. he read a book to his class for show and tell. his teacher said that he his reading was complete with 'sound effects and all.' that night, he read a book to me. when he was done, he said, "are there any claps around here." it took me a second, but i caught on and applauded. then he said, "what about scott?" scott smiled, but didn't applaud. no more story time for him!!  

Stevenisms: 7-9-01

not too many stevenisms lately since he is visiting his dad. but i spoke with him last night and he asked if his butterflies had emerged from their chrysalis -es. (i don't know the plural of chrysalis.) i told him that they were supposed to hatch in 10 to 14 days and since it has been several months, they have probably died and won't be hatching. he said, "well, can you take them to a pet doctor and have him see if they will hatch." i told him that i don't know of any vets who practice on caterpillars. he advised me to look in the phone book and call around to find one. so, if anyone knows of caterpillar doctor, we are in need of one.  

Stevenisms: 7-1-01

while eating out with family in ohio, we got a waitress who was still in training. her waiter 'coach' hovered near by while she took our order. she said to 'ignore him.' later, he asked how we liked the meal and jeanette answered that it was fine. steven whispered to his grandma, "we are supposed to ignore that guy." jeanette assured him that it was okay to talk to him when he talked to us first.

karon took steven to toy'r'us and allowed him to pick out toys. steven, as usual, couldn't resist playing with the balls in the store. he bounced the ball too high and it went over the shelving into the next aisle. karon said that she heard something fall over there and she warned steven that if he didn't behave they would be thrown out. a second later, they heard a woman on the loud speaker saying, "As you leave, check out our tent sale...." steven's eyes got as big as saucers and he put his hands over his mouth in shock. then he asked karon, "how did they know i did that?" karon said, "you'd better put the ball back." he hurriedly put it back and improved his behavior for the rest of their toy store visit.  

Stevenisms: 6-20-01

monday, i was upset when i got home that scott didn't pick steven up and he hadn't done any housework. tuesday, when i got home, gina called and asked scott what he was doing. he told her he cooked waffles for me, a hot dog for steven, was marinating chicken, running the dishwasher, and cutting up cantaloupe. steven leaned over to me and whispered, "scott's not lazy any more, huh?"

lately, i'm always telling steven how parker is eating my food or if i am craving something i say that parker wants it. when i was eating cantaloupe, steven said, "does parker like cantaloupe?" i said that he did like it because it is nutritious. steven said, "well, when i was in your tummy, you didn't eat peas." i asked why he said that. he replied, "because i don't like peas."

after steven made the comment about peas, i shared what he said with scott. steven said, "i told you to quit telling people what i say. it gives me a headache." he is also irritated that i always laugh at things he said. he wants to know what is funny about it. try to imagine my attempts to explain.  

Stevenisms: 6-19-01

steven had to have blood drawn today. it was traumatic. he screamed and fought and turned all red. as they are drawing the blood, he screamed, "this is not okay! it doesn't hurt really bad, but it hurts too bad!" when they were done, he wanted to see the vile of blood. he was fascinated and kept asking me if we could have it. i said that they had to test it. he asked if we could get it after that. i said that they would dispose of it. he really wanted that vile of his blood, but he never suggested getting another vile.

we took a toy motorcycle to a co-worker who was hospitalized after a motorcycle accident. we told him that it was the safety version. steven was terribly jealous that he couldn't have the toy. when we approached the hospital today, he asked if it was the same hospital where we took the toy motorcycle to my co-worker. i said that it was. he asked if jodi was still there. i said that he was better and back at work. steven asked where he slept. i said that while he was in the hospital he slept in a hospital bed but when he got out he went back to sleeping in his bed. steven asked where the guy lived. i said that he lived in swansea. steven asked if that was another city. i said that it was. then he asked how he got to this hospital. i said that it was a big hospital and lots of people go there when they are hurt. he asked if the guy was still playing with the motorcycle. when i got to work i asked jodi if he still played with the motorcycle. he said that he played with it a while, but then he wrecked it and quit playing with it.

when jodi was in the hospital, i had the task of sending him flowers from the company. the florist asked if i wanted the card to say get well soon. since he had a head injury, i told them to put 'your head is not as hard as we thought.' when the neurologist asked jodi how he felt, jodi replied, 'with my fingers.'

little boy and father overheard in a restaurant bathroom:

boy: who is that man out there?

father: the maitre de. (pardon my french, lack there of)

boy: what does he do?

father: he seats people for his living.

boy: if he stops seating people, will he die?

darn, wish i could attribute that one to steven. don't you dare begin to think he isn't the cutest kid in the world. he is the cutest, the rest just have their moments.  

Stevenisms: 6-18-01

we went to tennessee this past weekend for scott's cousin kate's wedding. scott's mom told us that his cousin cindy and her husband had to leave suddenly because her husband's father died. her husband's name is also scott. when we were discussing it in front of steven, steven looked shocked and said, "scott had a present for his dad. a golf ball and some tees--'til he died." when we stopped laughing, we explained that it was a different scott since our scott's dad was standing a few feet away.

steven saw a godzilla key chain for $5 and started planning how to buy it. i told him he would have to do chores. we were at the mall and he asked, "if i don't talk the rest of the time we are here, can i have a dollar? would that be a chore for you?" i started laughing and told him it would be a chore for him, but i wouldn't pay him for it. since picking up the sticks in the backyard was such a pain, he now asked, "can i do 5 little chores that only take a second to get the five dollars."  

Stevenisms: 6-15-01

steven was asking if we could paint our truck like a soccer ball. i said no because it is leased and we can't make any changes to it. he asked what leased was. i said that we give it back in a few years. he asked if we have to give scott's car back. i said 'no. we bought scott's car.' he asked if we could buy the truck. i said that it was not worth buying because it is an american car and it won't last. he asked if scott's car would last. i said that it was a japanese car and it would last a very long time. he said, "not longer than my necklace with the pouch on it because it is made of hemp." hippy kid. it's his grandma's influence.

i was telling him that he had to share his toys with the baby. he was naming toys that he didn't want the baby to play with because he was afraid that they would be ruined. i told him that he needed to look through his toys and find ones that he will share with the baby. last night, after i told him to get in bed, he came in and said, "can i look for toys for the baby now?"

steven and i were at a mall which had a fountain at one end. steven asked for a penny to throw in the fountain. i didn't have any. so he asked for any coin. i didn't have any. so he said, "can i throw your credit card in the fountain?" i guess he is on the 'wish now, pay later plan.' can you have the credit card company cancel the charges if your wish doesn't come true?  

Stevenisms: 6-5-01

steven still has not received his "6 inch mothra." we checked the mail last night. he looked by the door where packages are often left behind a bush. after we went inside he asked, "can i go search the whole front yard to see if they left it somewhere else?"

he is in tennis camp this week. i thought i would surprise him and pick him up early. he was surprised alright. he was dropped off at the YMCA in the morning. he rode a bus to seven oaks elementary where i was waiting to pick him up. he said, "how did you know where to find me." i told him that it said in the papers from YMCA that he would be going to seven oaks. i asked if he was afraid he would be left at the school because i couldn't find him. he said, "no. i wanted to play on the playground!" he wanted me to take him back and leave him so he could play. i tried to temp him with having ribs for dinner. (he has liked pork ever since he was 3 and we told him that it was jedi food.) he was not interested. he spotted a mcdonald's sign and excitedly made it know that he wanted mcdonald's. so we waited in a slow line of cars until we got to the microphone to order. as i opened my mouth to order, he cried, "there's burger king! i want burger king!" so we pulled away from our long awaited turn at the microphone and went to burger king.

i asked what he bought at the afternoon 'canteen' where he is supposed to get a snack in the afternoon. he said, "Barbie Q-tips." i was shocked that he wanted anything having to do with barbie dolls and even more shocked that barbie now has her own q-tips. i mean, can you imagine how small a barbie q-tip would be? so i repeated it back to him. it was his turn to be shocked. he said, "no! barbecue chips!!" oh.

the waiter asked if i wanted more rice for my curried chicken. i said, 'yes, please.' he offered some to steven who regarded him intently for a moment before nodding. when the waiter walked away, i told steven to eat his rice. he said, "i didn't really want any rice. i was just being polite." i laughed, and he said, "what's so funny?" again, i tried to explain that perfectly normal actions are sometimes funny when a child does them.

steven said, "we are supposed to wear light clothes to tennis camp. not what they weigh, but the color." i don't think he has much confidence in my intellect.

at a thai restaurant, he asked for a balloon. when he came back he said, "they speak a different kind of english. when i asked for a green balloon, he said that he didn't understand what i said."

"if the baby is a girl, will it look like you, and will it look like scott if it is a boy."

steven got up at 5 this morning and then asked me every few minutes if he could go the the park at seven oaks elementary school yet. i told him to go down and eat breakfast if he wasn't going back to bed. he went down and heated up a piece of leftover pizza. after he was dropped at the playground at seven oaks, scott told me that steven had thrown a slice of pizza in his lunch bag, no wrapping, no sandwich bag; just threw it in there. when i picked him up, the instructor told me that since they have their things outside, ants got into his pizza, so please make sure to wrap his food. she is obviously not used to adventures with steven. he had taken out the food i packed for him. so he didn't have enough to eat and was starving by the time i picked him up. i told him tonight to leave the lunch as i packed it. he answered with his standard, "why?" although he is very concerned about bugs getting in food now. he asked why semi-trucks carry those big loads. i gave an example of the truck hauling food from farms to the grocery store. he was concerned that it was dirty from being on the ground inside the truck. i said that it was in boxes or crates. he said that bugs would get to it. i said that they load it on the truck and then drive so no bugs get to it. he said, "what if a string is hanging of the truck and the ant runs and climbs up it and get in the truck and gets to the food." i said that ants don't really do those sort of heroics. he replied, "haven't you seen ants run? they run really fast." i said that the truck went faster. before he went to bed, he requested that i put his graham cracker in something so that bugs don't get it. he also asked me to tape his box of nerds candy closed so bugs don't get in it.

ahhh. the nerds topic. scott stopped at a convenience store a month or more ago. he bought some treats for me and a box of nerds for steven. not realizing that the nerds were for steven, i ate them. later scott joked that he would tell steven that i ate his nerds. i said, "i don't care. hey, steven, scott bought you some nerds, but i didn't know they were for you and i ate them." he asked if we would get him more. we said that we would some time. since then, when we went in grocery stores, he would ask to get candy and if he was denied, he would ask to get some nerds since i ate his box of nerds. weeks went by without mention of the nerds. then in wal-mart he asked scott for candy. scott said 'no,' so steven asked if he could get nerds 'since mommy ate my nerds.' scott said 'no,' and told me about it when i got back. monday morning, when scott dropped him off at the ymca, before steven got out of the car, he said, "thanks for getting me nerds scott. i'm sure i would have liked them if mommy didn't eat them. can we get more sometime." so, at the store today, we bought him a big box of nerds. hopefully, that will end the crusade for nerds.

due to some incidents at school, i have started taking steven to a counselor to work on his ability to do what he is told and to follow rules. the guy was stern with steven on the first visit. we had our second visit tonight. when i picked him up from the y, he threw a basketball at one of the coaches. in the car, i told him that he was not to do that. he said, "are you going to tell the doctor?" i said that i wouldn't as long as he didn't do that any more.

at the doctor's office, there are a lot of toys. while we waited for the doctor, we looked at the toys and commented on some of them. steven said, "i didn't expect that he would like dolls so much." i explained that they were for kids who had a hard time talking about how they felt. he reached out and touched a koosh ball that was on the shelf. i told him that the toys belonged to the doctor and it wasn't right to touch them unless the doctor gave permission. steven said, "are you going to tell him that i touched it?"

on the way home, i asked what he thought of the doctor. he said, "i think that he is a good doctor. but i don't like when he takes away priveleges." i asked why he thought he was a good doctor. he replied, "because he is right about things." maybe he was afraid i would tell the doctor if he didn't say something nice.

when he sat down in the office before the session, he said, "i don't want to talk about me this time."  

Stevenisms: 6-2-01

the other night, we were eating at an indian restaurant. scott needed more water and raised his index finger to get the attention of the waiter. a few minutes later steven wanted more nan (bread) and politely raised his index finger to get the waiter's attention. i started laughing to see him being so formal. he was irritated and said, "what did i do wrong? how am i supposed to do it?" i tried to explain that it was just cute to see a six year old do that.

today, we were in the kitchen and steven said he saw the carpenter bee outside (which he refers to as the 'black bottom bumblebee). scott told him that it doesn't stick around any more because 'that guy' sprayed stuff on the deck to keep it away. steven said, "you mean bobby the bug man?" i cracked up. steven said, "didn't i say it right." i told him that he said it right. he said, "then why are you laughing at me?" i said that it was just funny that he knows the name of the exterminator.

if we tease steven, he says, "tell the truth!" this morning scott showed us a coupon for a free meal at chic-fil-a. i asked why they sent it to him. he said, "because i'm cool." steven said, "tell the truth!"

steven has to keep a journal this summer. he has the pet rabbit from his classroom. so in his journal today, he wrote, "the rabit is osum bkus it eats out uv mi han." does that need translation? my mom said that it was great phonetically.

i bought him a spanish tape so he could continue learning spanish while he is out of school. he told me that he liked it and wanted to show me that he learned part of it. so i went in to listen to him. he learned the chorus, which is in english. i'm not sure this tape thing is going to work.  

Stevenisms: 5-24-01

I told steven he was going to the doctor the next day and that he should think of anything he needed to talk to the doctor about. i told him that he could have the doctor check his chest where he was hit with a soccer ball (he wanted a chest x-ray, but the doctor confirmed that he didn't need one), we would tell the doctor that he often complained of a headache (usually when he didn't want to do something like pick up his room), and we would tell the doctor about his cough. i asked if there was anything else. he thought a minute and said that he would tell the doctor "sometimes i have to pee really bad. like when i ate that really big popsicle."

He told his teacher that "mommy needed medical attention because the baby kicked her so hard." actually i had gone to urgent care for an asthma attack. we can never tell if he didn't understand or if he just felt like telling a story.

He finally earned the money for mothra which he refers to as "six inch mothra" and has shown scott how big six inches is. so i called and ordered mothra. he was anxious for mothra to arrive and talked about how far it is to new york and how long it would take to drive mothra down here. when it didn't come for 3 days, he came to the conclusion that they had to make a mothra specifically to fill his order. THEN they sent the wrong mothra. it was larva mothra which looks like a big slug. he wanted to keep it and order the other one too. i didn't want to pay an extra $15 for a slug. so i packaged it to return it. he helped put it in the mailbox. before bed, he came into my room and asked if i thought they were done making the other mothra. i didn't feel like getting into a discussion on commerce, so i just said i didn't know. he came back a few minutes later and asked if i thought they had picked up the mothra from the mailbox yet. i told him that the mailman only came once a day and he wouldn't come until tomorrow. he wanted the mail man to drop off the correct mothra when he picked up the one in the mail box. i told him that the wrong one had to go back and then the replacement would be sent. he asked how long it took to get to new york. i told him about 18 hours. he asked how long that was. i said it is all day and most of the night. he was very frustrated that it would take the mailman so long to drive mothra to new york and then come back with his replacement.

to be continued...

his teacher told me that as the year comes to a close, he is anxious about going to first grade. he has told me that it will be too hard and no fun because they have to do work all day and not have recess. he has told his teacher that he isn't going to do any more of his kindergarten work because he didn't want to go to first grade. he wants to stay with ms. hite in kindergarten.

one day when he got into trouble at school, i was questioning him about his behavior. when i told him that he needs follow the rules and asked why he broke the rules he said, "i forgot! i wasn't being bad. it was just a forget! and that's not being bad! it's just a forget!"

he hugged me at a store and said, "i want my baby brother out now." he wants the baby to sleep in his room and he said he was going to read to the baby.

he was playing with godzilla when he was supposed to go to sleep. godzilla's tail came off and he couldn't get it back on. he got out of bed and brought it to scott who getting the hang of this parenting stuff and knew not to give the toy back to him. he told steven to go back to bed. steven said, "and then you will fix godzilla and then i can get up and come get him." scott said 'no. go to sleep. you can have it back in the morning.' steven said, "remind me in the morning so i don't forget godzilla." like we believe he will forget godzilla.

his 'slender grandma mary' gave him a little bear he calls 'softy bear.' it sleeps with him. he got very upset when he couldn't find softy. i was trying to read him a bed time story and he was so agitated over softy that he couldn't even sit still and listen. so i finally pulled the bed out from the wall and looked for softy. steven tucked him in and we were able to go on with the story. steven tucks things he likes under his pillow. he has rocks, books, and toys under there.

after the battle of "godzilla versus sparkle (the labrador)" where godzilla suffered his first loss in history, mom had to go get a godzilla replacement. in the mean time, steven cried that he couldn't have godzilla's tattered remains in his bed. i told him to take his grumpy rugby teddy bear to bed with him. he didn't want to and i told him that the bear was sad that steven never slept with him. steven stopped crying and took the bear to bed. i was folding laundry in the hall and could hear him talking to the bear. i had to take the clothes into his room. when i went in, he told me that the bear said he was cold and wanted to be under the covers. since then, steven has put all of his stuffed animals into his bed and refuses to remove any of them. he doesn't want to hurt their feelings. now there is barely room for steven and i have no place to sit to read him his bedtime stories. but big brown bear, softy and the rest of the fuzzy crowd are quite comfortable.

when scooter (yorkie) was to sleep in steven's room, he was in his carrier. steven put the carrier in his bed facing him so the dog could see him. he then covered the carrier with his comforter so scooter would be comfortable.

steven gets rather upset when bugs bother him in the yard. he comes inside and says he can't go out because "there is a black-bottom bumble bee!"  

Stevenisms: 5-21-01

this time it's in writing! as those who know steven are well aware, steven tends to talk A LOT! he is getting in trouble at school, so we are trying to teach him to control his urge to talk. i set the timer for 1 hour and told him not to talk until the hour was over or i would set it back and he would have to start the hour over. i told him that if he really needed to communicate, he could write it down. since he is only in kindergarten, he doesn't have adequate spelling abilities to express his needs. the following are his communications during that hour (with translation in parenthesis):

1. Wi du We haf to go git the sokr hsrt on Munday

(Why do we have to go get the soccer shirt on Monday?)

2. ("k" and "kan" are crossed out as he figured out that it starts with "c")

Can I hld the dog Wol u brush it

(Can I hold the dog while you brush it?)

3. Can I git u pop-sikl

(Can I get a popsicle)

4. Can I git the dog's thiu to put it on it!

(Can I get the dog's thing (inverted 'n') to put it on it?--he was referring to the dog's hair clip)

5. (asked if he wants an apple:)

if sha r green

(not sure what 'sha' is, but he meant if the apple is green he wants it)

6. Can I go alt sid

(Can I go out side?)

7. (told to write his address:)

1104 Rivrwok Way 29063

(1104 Riverwalk Way, skipped city and state and put the zip code)

8. (told to write the city and state:)

We did not do Rmosal 29063

(we couldn't figure out what he meant, so told him to write it again)

We did not do Rmo Salth CoRUlinu

(now we got it: We did not do Irmo, South Carolina (when he had to write his address earlier))

If you think I am demanding to make him write his address, it was one of the things that was part of his end of year kindergarten testing and will be expected at the beginning of first grade. he also is required to know how to do research on the internet. my boss can't even do research on the internet! so, yesterday, he researched frogs and butterflies.

when i was giving him a bath, he was telling me how much he loved me. he said, "i love you more than the sun. well, more that the moon, anyway. but the sun gives us light. you know." sigh. i just can't compete with the sun. light is so necessary. you know.

we made gingerbread men yesterday. he ate the gingerbread legs first so the gingerbread man couldn't run away. he said that it would be running funny since it would be running on its hands. i ate it's stomach and then took the next piece up. he said,"you just ate his ribs." gotta watch out for those gingerbread ribs. you could choke on one of those ribs. i hear they are good with barbecue.

i acted like i was going to put icing on his nose. he laughed and asked me to really put a dot on his nose. so i squirted a bunch of icing on his nose and then made him icing eyebrows. they were crooked, so when he looked in the mirror, he said, "i'm the angry gingerbread man!" i had to laugh every time i looked at him with those icing eyebrows and big white nose.

he mopped the wood floor in the living room Sunday. i went out to look at it. there were little footprints all over where he walked over the area he had just mopped. we'll have to work on that.

I previously wrote about his tirade on slavery when he had to pick up sticks in the back yard. he is apparently gathering support for his munchkin revolt. when i went in for the end-of-year conference with his teacher, she told me that another boy in the class very dramatically protested to her that "you treat us like slaves! you make us do so much work and you don't even pay us." i can only imagine what else he has his classmates telling their parents.  

Stevenisms: 5-14-01

scott told steven he would take him to play soccer sometime this weekend. steven said, 'all day!?' scott said, 'no. we would get hungry.' steven said, 'we can take food.' scott said, 'we would get tired.' steven said, 'we can take a blanket!'

steven's little dog, scooter, was sniffing around the kitchen floor and steven asked, 'is scooter still a crumb hunter?'

he brought me a pamphlet about some soccer camps from 8am to 12pm this summer. i told him that those wouldn't work because scott and i can't pick him up that early. he said, 'that's okay. i'll just stay and practice until you get off of work.'

steven was still working on his final chore to get the money to buy his mothra toy. this was the second time he had to go around picking up the sticks in the yard since he didn't get finished the first time. i was raking leaves and he asked, 'am i a slave?' i said, 'no. slaves don't get paid and you are getting paid.' he said, 'i don't like being a slave. do slaves get paid if they do more that what they were told to do?'

later at a restaurant, he asked, 'are the people who work here slaves?' i said, 'no. they get paid to work.' he asked if there were any slaves in the world anymore. i said there were some places. he asked, 'who gets paid to watch the slaves?' i said that i wasn't sure. he asked who watched the restaurant workers. i said that the manager did. so he looked for the manager when we were leaving to see if he was watching the workers.

while dining, steven wanted another straw. they were sitting on a ledge about 8 feet from our table. steven crouched down and tip toed over to the straws and stealthily snatched a straw and tiptoed back to the table like he was in some kind of cartoon.

while discussing how to dispose of all of the leaves in our back yard. 'trash' was mentioned, and steven piped up, 'trashy people are bad. they should recycle.'

while eating his pancakes, steven looked at me, opened his mouth wide and shoved in a whole scoop of butter. a minute later he made a face and spit it out and exclaimed, 'i thought it was whipped cream!' dastardly restaurant employees snuck that butter in along the whipped cream! evil slaves!

steven is always asking for toys and such. i tell him, 'get a job.' so one day, he looks at me and in all seriousness asks, 'what kind of job can i get?' i thought about it a while and realized i just lost clever come-back. darn kid is willing to work!  

Stevenisms: 5-8-01

i asked steven what color bear he got at school on friday (a daily behavior grading system where green is good, yellow is not so good, and red is bad). he said, indignantly, "green! and i didn't even get any PRIVILEGES!"

i asked if he would like to go to the beach one weekend. he said 'no.' i asked why not. he replied in a 'duh' tone of voice, "the ocean is SALT WATER." and looked at me like i was out of my mind. if anyone could cure me of my ignorance, please tell me the problem with salt water.

i asked him a few days later why he didn't want to go to the beach and he told me that there were too many people and there was no food at the beach. so i promised not to lose him and to bring some food along. still wondering about the salt water.

he wanted a toy and i told him he would have to do chores to get the money. he was picking up sticks in the back yard and asked me to help him. i said, 'do you want me to get the money.' he said 'no.' so i told him he had to do the chore. a little later i picked up a few sticks for him. he asked frantically, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" i said, 'i thought you wanted me to help.' he said, "are you going to take the money?" i said, 'no. you can still have the money.' a little later, i was pulling weeds and he was still picking up sticks. he called over, "i thought i was going to get a little help here!"

he asked what i thought flipper was doing. i said i had no idea. he asked if i knew who flipper was. i said that i did not. he said that it was his fish. (the fish was previously unnamed.) i said that i thought he was blowing bubbles. he said in his usual 'boy are you dumb' voice, "he is a fish. he doesn't blow bubbles." and i thought that was fish bubble gum i saw at Petsmart the other day. dumb me. i asked what he thought the fish was doing. he said that he thought flipper was "swimming around the bowl having a good ol' time."

i'm allergic to the cat so we keep it confined. the cat doesn't like this policy and works at the door until she gets it open. one morning when she was awol, i told steven to put her away. as he carried her through another room i heard him tell her, "I put you away once already! Now don't come out again!" i'm sure that cat was contrite.

we drove out a road near our house looking for a particular business. the scenery changed from suburban to country. we saw cows grazing in a hilly pasture. i told steven to look at the cows (i'm sure you all know how fascinating it is to watch grazing cows--snore). steven looked out the window and exclaimed, "WOW! Cows! We must be in Texas!" Texas!? I knew we should have stopped for directions.

steven had his school pictures back and they turned out great; much better that i had expected. he is in a nice sweater with neatly combed hair holding the new class rabbit. the background is a pretty country porch scene. i showed everyone at work and everyone agreed that they were good pictures (under no coercion from me of course). when i picked him up from school i told him that everyone at the office agreed his pictures turned out well. he asked what they like about them. i said that he had on a nice sweater, his clothes are clean, his hair is clean and tidy, and he's a handsome boy. he asked disappointedly, "No one likes our new rabbit?" uh, yes of course they like the rabbit. i forgot to mention that.

steven was playing on the internet on the fox kids site. scott walked in and saw that he was about to send an e-mail to the green power ranger which read, "i like you."

we have a cute little yorkie who was rescued from a crack house. he is about 2 years and was already named scooter when we got him. i took the dog along to pick steven up from after care at his school. his best friend, christopher, rather rudely asked why he would name his dog 'scooter.' i was about to say that he already had that name when we got him when i heard steven saying with some indignation, "because it is a COOL name!" better than my answer. i kept my mouth shut.

steven wore a coon skin hat to the grocery store one evening. an elderly lady stopped and asked him if he was daniel boone in that hat. he said, "i'm not wearing a hat. this is my hair." she was taken aback.

steven went along with scott to the hair salon when scott was getting a trim. when scott's trim was done, the stylist asked steven how it looked. steven said, "it looked better before." scott worriedly looked in the mirror. scott later told me about it and said, 'he really had me going there for a minute.' i asked if steven was kidding or serious. scott replied, "i'm still not sure."

in the car one day, i said that i needed to find the clip for my hair. steven said impatiently, "if you were really serious about doing your hair, you would buy a snap clip." i suddenly realize he was watching entirely too much tv. but it was too late. he was already convince the needed a leg pillow and a memory pillow.

steven was kicking a soccer ball around with scott and one of scott's friends, adam. adam kicked a shot that caught steven right in his chest. for the first time in his life, steven had his breath knocked out. pretty scary to not be able to breath for even a second when you are six years old. that night he told me that he didn't want to go to the soccer camps this summer because soccer was 'too dangerous.' i assured him that kids closer to his size would not hurt him as bad as a 260 pound adult who is 6'2". the next day he asked if he "could get a chest x-ray to make sure nothing is broken." i said that i couldn't take him for an x-ray until i got his insurance card from his dad because x-rays are expensive. he asked if he could call to remind his dad to send the card. i said, 'sure.' he said, "can i call him when he isn't there and leave a message so he doesn't laugh."

last week i had to call steven's teacher to request another copy of his homework sheet. i sheepishly told her that while the dog didn't eat the homework, he did jump up on the table and knock over a glass of milk onto the paper. when the milk dried, it glued the paper to the table to thoroughly that soap, water, and goo-begone were not able to get it off. scott had to scrape the homework off the table with a razor blade. apparently our dog feels he is too intelligent to eat the homework and found a more efficient and effective method of destroying homework. or perhaps he felt that eating it was just too cliche'.

okay. go live your lives. but for those of you with the stamina to reach the end of my babble about steven, thank you for your attention.  

Stevenisms: 4-23-01

steven's quote for 4/18/01:

i was questioning steven when he got into trouble at school. i asked him why he didn't do what his teacher told him. he replied that he 'didn't hear her because there were a bunch of kids LOLLYGAGGING around.'

quote for 4/21/01

we had to meet up with scott to pick scott up at a motorcycle repair shop. steven asked if i had ever been there before. i said i had not. he asked how we would find it. i said that scott had drawn it out for me. steven asked if scott 'drew a picture of what it looks like or directions to get there.' i laughed picturing myself driving around columbia looking building that looked like the drawing. it told him it was directions.

quote for 4/22/01

steven was looking at his bible story book. he asked if about whether it was jacob or esau who was bad. i said that it was esau. he asked what esau did that was bad. i said that he tried to kill jacob and he married canaanite women. later i asked steven if he knew why it was bad for esau to marry canaanite women. he said, "OH! I thought you said that he buried them."  

Stevenisms: 4-19-01

Steven was asking about when the baby is born. he asked if the baby would have clothes. we said 'yes.' he asked if it was born with clothes on. we said 'no.' we said that we buy clothes for it. so he asked if we would be taking a naked baby to the store and then buying it clothes. we said we would buy clothes before it was born and put them on after it was born while we were still at the hospital.

he wants all of his toys to be metal so the baby won't break them.

he said that he would read to the baby.

there was something on the radio about diaper changing. he said 'gross.' i told him that he would have to help me change the baby. he protested and i told him 'well, i changed your dirty diapers.'   

Stevenisms: 1-23-01

since i forgot to call you, i guess i will type it out. chris built steven's swing set last weekend. monday night steven played on it after school. michaels' has christmas lights on sale. they are only 25 cents for a string of 50 lights. i like bunching them up in glass containers. they look really cool. i put a strand of green lights in steven's room because he likes green. he asked to keep them on when he went to bed. scott turned them off and steven told him that i said he could have them on. scott asked me and then turned them back on. a while later, scott just knew steven was in there playing or looking at books since he had light in his room. so scott burst into the room to catch him at it. steven was laying in bed with his blanket just like he was supposed to be. scott felt stupid and mean, so he tried to play it off and come up with something to say. he asked, "did you have fun on your playset today?" steven said, "what playset?" scott said, "your swing set." steven said, "yeah" and continued to look at scott with confusion on his face. scott said, "good" and closed the door. a while after that scott was sure that steven started playing after he left, but he was afraid of looking like an idiot again, so he did not go check.